THE SPOILED UNDER-30 CROWD

When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious
Diatribes about how hard things were when they
Were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every
Morning... Uphill... BOTH ways, yadda, yadda, yadda!
And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was
Going to lay a bunch of crap like that on kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it!

But now that... I'm over the ripe old age of... Thirty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today. You've
got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a damn utopia!

And I hate to say it but you kids today you don't know how good you've got it!

I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have The
Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the damn
Library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalog!!

There was no email! We had to actually write
Somebody a letter ...with a pen! Then you had to walk all the way
Across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take like a week
To Get there!
There were no MP3's or Napsters! If you wanted to steal music, you had to
Hitchhike to the damn record store and shoplift
It yourself! Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio
And the DJ's usually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up!

We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If
You were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal,
that's it! And we didn't have fancy Caller ID Boxes either! When the phone
Rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your
Mom, your boss, your bookie, your drug dealer, a collections agent, you
Just didn't know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances,
Mister!

We didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation video
Games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With
Games like 'Space Invaders' and 'asteroids' and the graphics sucked!
Your guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination!
And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen
Forever! And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and
Harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE.

When you went to the movie theater there no such thing as stadium
Seating! All the seats were the same height! If a tall guy or some old
Broad
With a hat sat in front of you and you couldn't see, you were just screwed!


Sure, we had cable television, but back then that was only like 15 channels and there was no onscreen menu and no remote control! You had to use a
Little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off your ass and walk over to the TV to change the channel; and there was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning.

Do you hear what I'm saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you
Spoiled little bastards!

And we didn't have microwaves, if we wanted to heat something up we had to
Use the stove or go build a frigging fire..... Imagine that! If we wanted
Popcorn, we had to use that stupid Jiffy Pop thing and shake it over the
Stove forever like an idiot.

That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy.
You're spoiled!!!!!!!!!

You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1980!

Oh yeah, and a seatbelt was Mom throwing her arm across your chest every
Time she hit the brakes.