Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Sunday, July 27, 2008
John Adams 1776
"I have come to the conclusion, that one useless man is a Disgrace, two are a law firm and three or more are called a Congress."--John Adams, "1776"
PRISON OR WORK
It also shows that in most cases the quality of life for prisoners has improved considerably from what you might expect. And I always thought prison was for punishment.!!!!! Just in case you ever get these two environments mixed up, this comparison chart should make things a little bit clearer:
| @ WORK | |
| @ PRISON | @ WORK | |
| @ PRISON | @ WORK | |
| @ PRISON | @ WORK | |
| @ PRISON | @ WORK | |
| @ PRISON | @ WORK | |
| @ PRISON | @ WORK | |
| @ PRISON | @ WORK | |
| @ PRISON | @ WORK | |
| @ PRISON | @ WORK | |
| THERE IS SOMETHING SERIOUSLY WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE. | ||
Now get back to work. You're not getting paid to check emails!!!!
Sunday, July 13, 2008
GEORGE W BUSH LIBRARY
The George W Bush Presidential Library is now in the planning stages. The Library will include:
The Hurricane Katrina Room ,which is still under construction.
The Alberto Gonzales Room, where you won't be able to remember anything.
The Texas Air National Guard Room, where you don't even have to show up.
The Walter Reed Hospital Room, where they don't let you in.
The Guantanamo Bay Room, where they don't let you out.
The Weapons of Mass Destruction Room, which no one has been able to find.
The National Debt room which is huge and has no ceiling.
The 'Tax Cut' Room with entry only to the wealthy.
The 'Economy Room' which is in the toilet.
The Iraq War Room. After you complete your first tour, they make you to go
back for a second, third, fourth, and sometimes fifth tour.
The Dick Cheney Room, in the famous undisclosed location, complete with
shotgun gallery.
The Environmental Conservation Room, still empty.
The Supremes Gift Shop, where you can buy an election.
The Airport Men's Room, where you can meet some of your favorite Republican
Senators.
The 'Decider Room' complete with dart board, magic 8-ball, Ouija board,
dice, coins, and straws.
The museum will have an electron microscope to help you locate the
President's accomplishments.
Sunday, July 6, 2008
DO THE MATH
FACTS
1 Look at your zipper. See the initials YKK? It stands for Yoshida Kogyo
Kabushibibaisha, the world's largest zipper manufacturer.
2
40 percent of McDonald's profits come from the sales of Happy Meals.
3
315 entries in Webster's 1996 Dictionary were misspelled.
4
On the average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents daily.
5
Chocolate kills dogs! True, chocolate affects a dog's heart and nervous
system. A few ounces is enough to kill a small sized dog.
6
Ketchup was sold in the 1830's as a medicine.
7
Leonardo da Vinci could write with one hand and draw with the other at the
same time.
8
Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II were made
of wood.
9
There are no clocks in Las Vegas gambling casinos.
10
Leonardo da Vinci invented scissors. Also, it took him 10 years to paint
Mona Lisa's lips.
11
Bruce Lee was so fast that they actually had to slow a film down so you
could see his moves. That's the opposite of the norm.
12
The original name for the butterfly was "flutterby"!
13
By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you can't sink in
quicksand.
14
Mosquito repellents don't repel. They hide you. The spray blocks the
mosquito's sensors so they don't know you're there.
15
Dentists recommend that a toothbrush be kept at least six feet away from a
toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush.
16
The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley's gum.
17
Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike annually than the entire Nike
factory workers in Malaysia combined.
18
Marilyn Monroe had six toes on one foot.
19
Adolf Hitler's mother seriously considered having an abortion but was talked
out of it by her doctor.
20
The three most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro, Coca-Cola, and
Budweiser, in that order.
21
To escape the grip of a crocodile's jaws, prick your fingers into its
eyeballs. It will let you go instantly.
22
The average person falls asleep in seven minutes.
23
The "pound" (#) key on your keyboard is called an octothorp.
24
The only domestic animal not mentioned in the Bible is the cat.
25
Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.
26
The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.
27
Dreamt" is the only word in the English language that ends in "mt".
28
It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.
29
In Chinese, the KFC slogan "finger lickin' good" comes out as "eat your
fingers off".
30
A cockroach can live for 10 days without a head.
31
We shed 40 pounds of skin a lifetime.
32
Yo-Yos were once used as weapons in the Philippines.
33
Mexico City sinks abut 10 inches a year.
34
Brains are more active sleeping than watching TV.
35
Blue is the favorite color of 80 percent of Americans.
36
When a person shakes their head from side to side, he is saying "yes" in Sri
Lanka.
37
There are more chickens than people in the world.
38
The thumbnail grows the slowest, and the middle nail grows the fastest.
39
There are more telephones than people in Washington, D.C.
40
The average four year-old child asks over four hundred questions a day.
41
The average person presses the snooze button on their alarm clock three
Times each morning.
42
The three wealthiest families in the world have more assets than the
Combined wealth of the forty-eight poorest nations.
43
The first owner of the Marlboro cigarette Company died of lung cancer.
44
Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.
45
The world's youngest parents were 8 and 9 and lived in China in 1910.
46
Our eyes remain the same size from birth onward, but our noses and ears
Never stop growing.
47
You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching TV.
48
A person will die from total lack of sleep sooner than from starvation.
Death will occur about 10 days without sleep, while starvation takes a Few
weeks.
49
Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying.
50
The Mona Lisa has no eyebrows.
51
When the moon is directly overhead, you weigh slightly less.
52
Alexander Graham Bell, the inventor of the telephone, never telephoned His
wife or mother because they were both deaf.
53
A psychology student in New York rented out her spare room to a Carpenter in
order to nag him constantly and study his reactions. After Weeks of
needling, he snapped and beat her repeatedly with an axe Leaving her
mentally retarded
54
"I am." is the shortest complete sentence in the English language
55
Colgate faced a big obstacle marketing toothpaste in Spanish speaking
Countries because Colgate translates into the command "go hang Yourself."
56
Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different.
57
"Bookkeeper" is the only word in English language with three consecutive
Double letters.
58
Right handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left handed
People do.
59
The sentence "the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" uses every Letter
in the English language.
60
If the population of China walked past you in single line, the line Would
never end because of the rate of reproduction
61
China has more English speakers than the United States.
62
Every human spent about half an hour as a single cell.
63
Each square inch of human skin consists of twenty feet of blood vessels.
64
An average person uses the bathroom 6 times per day.
65
Babies are born with 300 bones, but by adulthood we have only 206 in our
Bodies.
66
Beards are the fastest growing hairs on the human body. If the average Man
never trimmed his beard, it would grow to nearly 30 feet long in his
Lifetime.
67
According to Genesis 1:20-22, the chicken came before the egg.
68
The longest place name still in use is:
Taumatawhakatangihangaoauauotam
Pukakpikimaungahoronukupokaiwhe
69
If you leave Tokyo by plane at 7:00am, you will arrive in Honolulu at
Approximately 4:30pm the previous day.
70
Scientists in Australia's Parkes Observatory thought they had positive Proof
of alien life, when they began picking up radio-waves from space. However,
after investigation, the radio emissions were traced to a Microwave in the
building.
71
Wearing headphones for an hour increases the bacteria in your ear 700 times.
72
More than 40,000 parasites and 250 types of bacteria are exchanged during a
French kiss.
73
Men can read smaller print than women, but women can hear better.
74
Coca-Cola was originally green.
75
The most common name in the world is Mohammed.
76
The name of all the continents ends with the same letter that they start
with.
77
There are two credit cards for every person in the United States.
78
TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on
one row of the keyboard.
79
Women blink nearly twice as much as men!!
80
You can't kill yourself by holding your breath.
81
It is impossible to lick your elbow.
82
People say "Bless you" when you sneeze because when you sneeze, your heart
stops for a millisecond.
83
It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky.
84
The "sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick" is said to be the toughest
tongue twister in the English language.
85
If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib. If you try to suppress a
sneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck and die.
86
Each king in a deck of playing cards represents great king from history.
Spades - King David, Clubs - Alexander the Great, Hearts - Charlemagne,
Diamonds - Julius Caesar.
87
111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
88
If a statue of a person in the park on a horse has both front legs in the
air, the person died in battle.
89
If the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of
wounds received in battle.
90
If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural
causes.
91
Question - This is the only food that doesn't spoil. What is this? Ans. -
Honey
92
A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.
93
A snail can sleep for three years.
94
All polar bears are left handed.
95
American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each
salad served in first-class.
96
Butterflies taste with their feet.
97
Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.
98
In the last 4000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.
99
On average, people fear spiders more than they do death.
100
Shakespeare invented the word 'assassination' and 'bump'.
101
Stewardesses is the longest word typed with only the left hand.
102
The ant always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.
103
The electric chair was invented by a dentist.
104
The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to
squirt blood 30 feet.
105
Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have over million
descendants.
106
The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.
107
Most lipstick contains fish scales.
108
And finally 99% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow.
Saturday, July 5, 2008
GOOD BLOND STORY
Murphy's Lesser Known Laws
people appear bright
until you hear them speak.
2. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
3. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who
don't.
4. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
5. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of
getting something
right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it
wrong.
6. If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end,
someone would be
stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time,
on a hill, in
the fog.
7. The things that come to those who wait will be the
scraggly junk left
by those who got there first.
8. The shin bone is a device for finding furni ture in a
dark room.
9. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for
doing well.
10. When you go into court, you are putting yourself into
the hands of 12
people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury
duty.
Friday, July 4, 2008
BEST COMEBACK
General Cosgrove was interviewed on the radio recently.
You'll love his reply to the lady who interviewed him concerning guns and children. Regardless of how you feel about gun laws you gotta love this! This is one of the best comeback lines of all time. It is a portion of an ABC interview between a female broadcaster and General Cosgrove who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military headquarters.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
So, General Cosgrove, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?
GENERAL COSGROVE:
We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery and shooting.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?
GENERAL COSGROVE:
I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?
GENERAL COSGROVE:
I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
But you're equipping them to become violent killers.
GENERAL COSGROVE:
Well, Ma'am, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you?
The radio went silent and the interview ended.