pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said, "Hey, I haven't
seen you in awhile. What happened? You look terrible."
"What do you mean?" said the pirate, "I feel fine."

Bartender: "What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before."
Pirate: "Well, we were in a battle and I got hit with a cannon ball, but
I'm fine now."

Bartender: "Well, okay, but what about that hook? What happened to
your hand?"
Pirate: "We were in another battle, I boarded a ship and got into a
sword fight. My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook, so I'm fine."

Bartender: "What about that eye patch?"
Pirate: "Oh, one day we were at sea and a flock of birds flew over.
I looked up and one of them shit in my eye."

"You're kidding," said the bartender, "you wouldn't lose an eye just from
bird shit."
Pirate: "It was my first day with the hook."