carlin

101 Greatest George Carlin Quotes

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I don’t have pet peeves — I have major psychotic fucking hatreds!

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A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.

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Have you ever noticed that their stuff is shit and your shit is stuff?

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I wanna live. I don’t wanna die. That’s the whole meaning of life: Not dying! I figured that shit out by myself in the third grade.

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I used to be Irish Catholic. Now I’m an American — you know, you grow.

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No one knows what’s next, but everybody does it.

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The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, “You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I’m just not close enough to get the job done.”

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Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.

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“No comment” is a comment.

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So far, this is the oldest I’ve been.

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Capitalism tries for a delicate balance: It attempts to work things out so that everyone gets just enough stuff to keep them from getting violent and trying to take other people’s stuff.