5 Attached Images
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Subject: Golf-Putt
OK This will get everyone in practice for the real thing and no more excuses for missed putts
| For all you golfers out there and those who just have time to kill.
|
Problem:
A backhoe weighing 8 tons is on top of a flatbed trailer heading east on Interstate 70 near Hays, Kansas.
The extended shovel arm is made of hardened steel and the approaching overpass is made of commercial-grade concrete,
reinforced with 1.5" steel rebar spaced at 6" intervals in a criss-cross pattern layered with 1' vertical spacing.
Solve:
When the shovel arm hits the overpass, how fast does the trailer with the backhoe have to be going to slice the bridge in half? (Assume no headwind and no braking by the driver who is oblivious of the situation . . )
Extra Credit:
Solve for the time and distance required for the entire rig to come to a complete stop after hitting the overpass at the speed calculated above .
Answer: Scroll down ........
; \/
\/
\/
Answer - It doesn't really matter. The point is that the trucking company just bought themselves a bridge .
Greetings all --
Check out this teen impersonation of GWB on the issue of global warming:
<http://www.jibjab.com/view/125614> __._,_.___
Check out this teen impersonation of GWB on the issue of global warming:
<http://www.jibjab.com/view/125614> __._,_.___
Subject: FW: Classes for Men
Fall Classes for Men
THE ADULT LEARNING CENTER
REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED
by Monday, Aug 30, 2007
NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM .
Class 1
How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays--Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.
Class 2
The Toilet Paper Roll--Does It Change Itself?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.
Class 3
Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub?--Group Practice.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor--Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.
Class 5
Dinner Dishes--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
at 7:00 PM
Class 6
Loss Of Identity--Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.
Help Line Up Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM
Class 7
Learning How To Find Things--Starting With Looking In The Right Places And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.
Open Forum .
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.
Class 8
Health Watch--Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.
Graphics and Audio Tapes.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 9
Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost--Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.
Class 10
Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.
Class 11
Learning to Live--Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.
Online Classes and role-playing
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined
Class 12
How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion
Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.
Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy--Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 14
The Stove/Oven--What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.
Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.
Fall Classes for Men
THE ADULT LEARNING CENTER
REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED
by Monday, Aug 30, 2007
NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM .
Class 1
How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays--Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.
Class 2
The Toilet Paper Roll--Does It Change Itself?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.
Class 3
Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub?--Group Practice.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor--Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.
Class 5
Dinner Dishes--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
at 7:00 PM
Class 6
Loss Of Identity--Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.
Help Line Up Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM
Class 7
Learning How To Find Things--Starting With Looking In The Right Places And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.
Open Forum .
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.
Class 8
Health Watch--Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.
Graphics and Audio Tapes.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 9
Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost--Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.
Class 10
Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.
Class 11
Learning to Live--Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.
Online Classes and role-playing
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined
Class 12
How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion
Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.
Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy--Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 14
The Stove/Oven--What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.
Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.
Two Texas farmers, Bubba and Cooter, are sitting at their favorite bar,
drinking beer.
Bubba turns to Cooter and says, "You know, I'm tired of going through
life
without an education. Tomorrow I think I'll go to the community
college, and sign up for some classes." Cooter thinks it's a good idea,
and
the two leave.
The next day, Bubba goes down to the college and meets Dean of
Admissions
who signs him up for the four basic classes: Math, English, History,
and
Logic.
"Logic?" Bubba says. "What's that?"
The dean says, "I'll give you an example. Do you own a weed eater?"
"Yeah."
"Then logically speaking, because you own a weed eater, I think that
you
would have a yard."
"That's true, I do have a yard."
"I'm not done," the dean says. "Because you have a yard, I think
logically
that you would have a house."
"Yes, I do have a house."
"And because you have a house, I think that you might logically have a
family."
"Yes, I have a family."
"I'm not done yet. Because you have a family, then logically you must
have a
wife.
And because you have a wife, then logic tells me you must be a
heterosexual."
"I am a heterosexual. That's amazing; you were able to find out all
of
that because I have a weed eater."
Excited to take the class now, Bubba shakes the Dean's hand and leaves
to go meet Cooter at the bar. He tells Cooter about his classes, how
he is
signed up for Math, English, History, and Logic.
"Logic?" Cooter says, "What's that?"
Bubba says, "I'll give you an example. Do you have a weed eater?"
"No."
"Then you're a queer".
drinking beer.
Bubba turns to Cooter and says, "You know, I'm tired of going through
life
without an education. Tomorrow I think I'll go to the community
college, and sign up for some classes." Cooter thinks it's a good idea,
and
the two leave.
The next day, Bubba goes down to the college and meets Dean of
Admissions
who signs him up for the four basic classes: Math, English, History,
and
Logic.
"Logic?" Bubba says. "What's that?"
The dean says, "I'll give you an example. Do you own a weed eater?"
"Yeah."
"Then logically speaking, because you own a weed eater, I think that
you
would have a yard."
"That's true, I do have a yard."
"I'm not done," the dean says. "Because you have a yard, I think
logically
that you would have a house."
"Yes, I do have a house."
"And because you have a house, I think that you might logically have a
family."
"Yes, I have a family."
"I'm not done yet. Because you have a family, then logically you must
have a
wife.
And because you have a wife, then logic tells me you must be a
heterosexual."
"I am a heterosexual. That's amazing; you were able to find out all
of
that because I have a weed eater."
Excited to take the class now, Bubba shakes the Dean's hand and leaves
to go meet Cooter at the bar. He tells Cooter about his classes, how
he is
signed up for Math, English, History, and Logic.
"Logic?" Cooter says, "What's that?"
Bubba says, "I'll give you an example. Do you have a weed eater?"
"No."
"Then you're a queer".
The young playboy took a blind date to an amusement park. They
went for a ride on the Ferris wheel. The ride completed, she
seemed rather bored.
"What would you like to do next?" he asked. "I wanna be
weighed," she said. So the young man took her over to the
weight guesser.
"One-twelve," said the man at the scale, and he was absolutely
right.
Next they rode the roller coaster. After that, he bought her
some popcorn and cotton candy, then he asked what else she
would like to do.
"I wanna be weighed," she said. I really latched onto a square
one tonight, thought the young man, and using the excuse he had
developed a headache, he took the girl home.
The girl's mother was surprised to see her home so early, and
asked, "What's wrong, dear, didn't you have a nice time
tonight?"
"Wousy," said the girl.
Subject: FW: you HAVE GOT to laugh~!!
Something tells me this kid won't end up at the top of his class.
Don't show it off if you can't wear it correctly.
Yeah, this is safe.
Spray-painting the side of your house
does not increase its perceived value.
Ever heard of a leash?
One sign that you're spending too much time at the computer.
Carolyn felt like she never quite fit in amongst the goth crowd.
Great follow-up sign.
Maybe this was her favorite skirt. Or, maybe she’s
crying tears of relief that she wore panties today?
The smiley face is a nice touch.
And the news room goes silent...
You have to love how no one has seen him yet
Steady sleeper.
There are just some things you can't un-see
Store ICE in Your Cell Phones
A recent article from the Toronto Star, "the ICE idea", is catching on and it is a very simple, yet important method of contact for you or a loved one in case of an emergency. As cell phones are carried by the majority of the population, all you need to do is program the number of a contact person or persons and store the name as "ICE". The idea was thought up by a paramedic who found that when they went to the scenes of accidents, there were always mobile phones with patients, but they didn't know which numbers to call. He therefore thought that it would be a good idea if there was a nationally recognized name to file "next of kin" under. Following a disaster in London the East Anglian Ambulance Service has launched a national "In Case of Emergency" (ICE) campaign. The idea is that you store the word "ICE" in your mobile phone address book, and with it enter the number of the person you would want to be contacted "In Case of Emergency". In an emergency situation, Emergency Services personnel and hospital staff would then be able to quickly contact your next of kin, by simply dialing the number programmed under "ICE."
| A young boy had just gotten his driver's permit and asked his father if they could discuss his use of the car. His father said he'd make a deal with his son. "You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little, get your hair cut, and we'll talk about the car." The boy thought about that for a moment, decided he'd settle for the offer and they agreed on it. After about six weeks his father said, "Son, I've been real proud. You brought your grades up and I've observed that you have been studying your Bible, but I'm real disappointed you didn't get your hair cut." The young man paused a moment then said, "You know, Dad, I've been Thinking about that, and I've noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair and there's even a strong argument that Jesus had long hair. To this his father replied, "Did you also notice they all walked every where they went?" |
A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he
glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane.
He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat. As fate
would have it, she took the seat right beside his.
Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, "Business trip or
pleasure?"
She turned, smiled and said, "Business. I'm going to the Annual
Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston." He swallowed hard. Here
was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and
she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs.
Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your
business role at this convention?"
Lecturer," she responded. "I use information that I have learned from
my personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about
sexuality."
"Really?" he said. "And what kind of myths are there?"
"Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African-American men
are the most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native
American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait.
Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers when
actually it is men of Jewish descent who are the best.
I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina
is the Southern Red neck."
Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm
sorry,"
she said, "I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I
don't even know your name."
"Tonto," the man said, "Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba."
glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane.
He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat. As fate
would have it, she took the seat right beside his.
Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, "Business trip or
pleasure?"
She turned, smiled and said, "Business. I'm going to the Annual
Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston." He swallowed hard. Here
was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and
she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs.
Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your
business role at this convention?"
Lecturer," she responded. "I use information that I have learned from
my personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about
sexuality."
"Really?" he said. "And what kind of myths are there?"
"Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African-American men
are the most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native
American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait.
Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers when
actually it is men of Jewish descent who are the best.
I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina
is the Southern Red neck."
Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm
sorry,"
she said, "I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I
don't even know your name."
"Tonto," the man said, "Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba."
LETTERS DEAR ABBY ADMITTED SHE WAS AT A LOSS TO ANSWER:
Dear Abby: A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is
a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her
mid-twenties. These two women go everywhere together and I've never
seen a man go into or leave their apartment. Do you think they could be
Lebanese?
Dear Abby: What can I do about all the sex, nudity, fowl language and
violence on my VCR?
Dear Abby: I have a man I can't trust. He cheats so much, I'm not
even sure the baby I'm carrying is his.
Dear Abby : I am a 23-year-old liberated woman who has been on the
pill for two years. It's getting expensive and I think my boy friend should
share half the cost, but I don't know him well enough to discuss money with
him.
Dear Abby: I've suspected that my husband has been fooling around,
and when confronted with the evi dence, he denied everything and said it
would never happen again.
Dear Abby: Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who
was
raised in a good Christian home turn against his own?
Dear Abby: My 40-year-old son has been paying a psychiatrist $50 an
hour every week for two and a half years. He must be crazy.
Dear Abby: My Favorite. I was married to Bill for three months and I
didn't know he drank until one night he came home sober.
Dear Abby: My mother is mean and short-tempered. I think she is going
through mental pause.
Dear Abby: You told some woman whose husband had lost all interest
in sex to send him to a doctor. Well, my husband has lost all interest in sex
and he is a doctor. Now what do I do?
Dear Abby: A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is
a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her
mid-twenties. These two women go everywhere together and I've never
seen a man go into or leave their apartment. Do you think they could be
Lebanese?
Dear Abby: What can I do about all the sex, nudity, fowl language and
violence on my VCR?
Dear Abby: I have a man I can't trust. He cheats so much, I'm not
even sure the baby I'm carrying is his.
Dear Abby : I am a 23-year-old liberated woman who has been on the
pill for two years. It's getting expensive and I think my boy friend should
share half the cost, but I don't know him well enough to discuss money with
him.
Dear Abby: I've suspected that my husband has been fooling around,
and when confronted with the evi dence, he denied everything and said it
would never happen again.
Dear Abby: Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who
was
raised in a good Christian home turn against his own?
Dear Abby: My 40-year-old son has been paying a psychiatrist $50 an
hour every week for two and a half years. He must be crazy.
Dear Abby: My Favorite. I was married to Bill for three months and I
didn't know he drank until one night he came home sober.
Dear Abby: My mother is mean and short-tempered. I think she is going
through mental pause.
Dear Abby: You told some woman whose husband had lost all interest
in sex to send him to a doctor. Well, my husband has lost all interest in sex
and he is a doctor. Now what do I do?
YOU WILL FIND THE SECRET SERVICE VIEWS ON THE
> PERSONALITIES OF PAST PRESIDENTS TO BE QUITE
> INTERESTING.
>
> For those who don't know... Capt. Denny Keast flies
> for UAL and flew many SAM's (Special Air Mission's)
> for the White House.
>
> ********************************************************
>
> I flew four (4) Presidential support missions in the
> C-141 out of Dover AFB, DE.. Two for President Johnson
> and two for President Nixon.
>
> Johnson was a first class jerk and on the two
> occasions I flew for him, if the Secret Service and
> their Liaison in the Pentagon hadn't intervened, we
> would have had to stay on the airplane for hours while
> he (Johnson) was off somewhere. Nixon never required
> that and the four (4) stops we made with him he was
> cordial to the Secret Service and to me and my crew.
>
> We had a neighbor when I lived in DC who was part of
> the secret service presidential detail for many years.
> His stories of Kennedy and Johnson were the same as
> those I heard from the guys who flew the presidents'
> plane.
>
> Yes, Kennedy did have Marilyn Monroe flown in for
> secret "dates," and LBJ was a typical Texas "good ole
> boy" womanizer.
>
> Nixon, Bush 41 and Carter never cheated on their
> wives. Clinton cheated, but couldn't match Kennedy
> or LBJ in style or variety.
>
> The information below is accurate: The elder Bush and
> current president Bush make it a point to thank and
> take care of the air crews who fly them around. When
> the president flies, there are several planes that
> also go, one carries the armored limo, another the
> security detail, plus usually a press aircraft. Both
> Bushes made it a point to stay home on holidays, so
> the Air Force and security people could have a day
> with their families.
>
> Hillary Clinton was arrogant and orally abusive to her
> security detail. She forbade her daughter, Chelsea ,
> from exchanging pleasantries with them. Sometimes
> Chelsea , miffed at her mother's obvious conceit and
> mean spiritedness, ignored her demands and exchanged
> pleasantries regardless, but never in her mother's
> presence. Chelsea really was a nice, kindhearted,
> and lovely young lady. The consensus opinion was that
> Chelsea loved her Mom but did not like her. Hillary
> Clinton was continuously rude and abrasive to those
> who were charged to protect her life. Her security
> detail dutifully did their job, as professionals
> should, but they all loathed her and wanted to be on a
> different detail.
>
> Hillary Clinton was despised by the Secret Service as
> a whole.
>
> Former President Bill Clinton was much more amiable
> than his wife. Often the Secret Service would cringe
> at the verbal attacks Hillary would use against her
> husband. They were embarrassed for his sake by the
> manner and frequency in which she verbally insulted
> him, sometimes in the presence of the Secret Service
> and sometimes behind closed doors. Even behind closed
> doors Hillary Clinton would scream and holler so
> loudly that everyone could hear what she was saying.
> Many felt sorry for President Clinton and most
> wondered why he tolerated it instead of just divorcing
> his "attack dog" wife. It was crystal clear that the
> Clintons neither liked nor respected each other and
> this was true long before the Monica Lewinsky scandal.
>
> Theirs was genuinely a "marriage of convenience."
>
> Chelsea wloser to her father than her mother, even
> after the Lewinsky scandal, which hurt her gravely.
> Bill Clinton did in fact have charisma and
> occasionally would smile at or shake hands with his
> security detail. Still, he always displayed an
> obvious air of superiority towards them.
>
> His security detail uniformly believed him to be
> disingenuous, false and that he did nothing without a
> motive that in some way would enhance his image and
> political career. He was polite, but not kind. They
> did not particularly like him and nobody trusted him.
>
> Al Gore was the male version of Hillary Clinton. They
> were friendlier toward each other than either of them
> were towards former President Clinton. They were not
> intimate, so please don't read that in. They were
> very close in a political way. Tipper Gore was
> generally nice and pleasant. She initially liked
> Hillary but soon after the election she had her
> "pegged" and no longer liked her or associated with
> her except for events that were politically
> obligatory.
>
> Al Gore was far more left wing than Bill Clinton. Al
> Gore resented Bill Clinton and thought he was too
> "centrist." He despised all Republicans. His hatred
> was bitter and this was long before he announced for
> the Presidency. This hatred was something that he and
> Hillary had in common. They often said as much, even
> in the presence of their security detail. Neither of
> them trusted Bill Clinton and the Secret Service
> opined, neither of them even liked him. Bill Clinton
> did have some good qualities, whereas Al Gore and
> Hillary had none, in the view of their security
> details.
>
> Al Gore, like Hillary, was very rude and arrogant
> toward his security detail. He was extremely
> unappreciative and would not hesitate to scold them in
> the presence of their peers for minor details over
> which they had no control. Al Gore also looked down
> on them, as they finally observed and learned with
> certainty on one occasion. Al got angry at his
> offspring and pointed at his security detail and said,
> "Do you want to grow up and be like them?" Word of
> this insult by the former Vice-President quickly
> spread and he became as disliked by the Secret Service
> as Hillary.
>
> Most of them prayed Al Gore would not be elected
> President, and they really did have private
> celebrations in a few of their homes after President
> Bush won. This was not necessarily to celebrate
> President Bush's election, but to celebrate Al Gore's
> defeat.
>
> Everyone in the Secret Service wants to be on First
> Lady Laura Bush's detail. Without exception, they
> concede that she is perhaps the nicest and most kind
> person they have ever had the privilege of serving.
> Where Hillary patently refused to allow her picture to
> be taken with her security detail, Laura Bush doesn't
> even have to be asked, she offers. She doesn't just
> shake their hand and say, "Thank you, "very often, she
> will give members of her detail a kindhearted hug to
> express her appreciation. There is nothing false
> about her. This is her genuine nature. Her security
> detail considers her to be a "breath of fresh air."
> They joke that comparing Laura Bush with Hillary
> Clinton is like comparing "Mother Teresa" with the
> "Wicked Witch of the North."
>
> Likewise, the Secret Service considers President Bush
> to be a gem of a man to work for. He always treats
> them with genuine respect and he always trusts and
> listens to their expert advice.
>
> They really like the Crawford, Texas detail. Every
> time the president goes to Crawford he has a Bar-B-Q
> for his security detail and he helps serve their
> meals. He sits with them, eats with them and talks
> with them. He knows each of them by their first name,
> and calls them by their first name as a show of
> affection. He always asks about their family, the
> names of which he always remembers. They believe that
> he is deeply and genuinely appreciative of their
> service. They could not like, love, or respect anyone
> more than President Bush. Most of them did not know
> they would feel this way, until they had an
> opportunity to work for him and learn that his manner
> was genuine and consistent. It has never changed
> since he began his Presidency. He always treats them
> with the utmost respect, kindness and compassion.
>
> Please pass this on. It is important for Americans to
> have a true inside understanding of the the woman who
> is currently a candidate for president.
>
>
>
> PERSONALITIES OF PAST PRESIDENTS TO BE QUITE
> INTERESTING.
>
> For those who don't know... Capt. Denny Keast flies
> for UAL and flew many SAM's (Special Air Mission's)
> for the White House.
>
> ******************************
>
> I flew four (4) Presidential support missions in the
> C-141 out of Dover AFB, DE.. Two for President Johnson
> and two for President Nixon.
>
> Johnson was a first class jerk and on the two
> occasions I flew for him, if the Secret Service and
> their Liaison in the Pentagon hadn't intervened, we
> would have had to stay on the airplane for hours while
> he (Johnson) was off somewhere. Nixon never required
> that and the four (4) stops we made with him he was
> cordial to the Secret Service and to me and my crew.
>
> We had a neighbor when I lived in DC who was part of
> the secret service presidential detail for many years.
> His stories of Kennedy and Johnson were the same as
> those I heard from the guys who flew the presidents'
> plane.
>
> Yes, Kennedy did have Marilyn Monroe flown in for
> secret "dates," and LBJ was a typical Texas "good ole
> boy" womanizer.
>
> Nixon, Bush 41 and Carter never cheated on their
> wives. Clinton cheated, but couldn't match Kennedy
> or LBJ in style or variety.
>
> The information below is accurate: The elder Bush and
> current president Bush make it a point to thank and
> take care of the air crews who fly them around. When
> the president flies, there are several planes that
> also go, one carries the armored limo, another the
> security detail, plus usually a press aircraft. Both
> Bushes made it a point to stay home on holidays, so
> the Air Force and security people could have a day
> with their families.
>
> Hillary Clinton was arrogant and orally abusive to her
> security detail. She forbade her daughter, Chelsea ,
> from exchanging pleasantries with them. Sometimes
> Chelsea , miffed at her mother's obvious conceit and
> mean spiritedness, ignored her demands and exchanged
> pleasantries regardless, but never in her mother's
> presence. Chelsea really was a nice, kindhearted,
> and lovely young lady. The consensus opinion was that
> Chelsea loved her Mom but did not like her. Hillary
> Clinton was continuously rude and abrasive to those
> who were charged to protect her life. Her security
> detail dutifully did their job, as professionals
> should, but they all loathed her and wanted to be on a
> different detail.
>
> Hillary Clinton was despised by the Secret Service as
> a whole.
>
> Former President Bill Clinton was much more amiable
> than his wife. Often the Secret Service would cringe
> at the verbal attacks Hillary would use against her
> husband. They were embarrassed for his sake by the
> manner and frequency in which she verbally insulted
> him, sometimes in the presence of the Secret Service
> and sometimes behind closed doors. Even behind closed
> doors Hillary Clinton would scream and holler so
> loudly that everyone could hear what she was saying.
> Many felt sorry for President Clinton and most
> wondered why he tolerated it instead of just divorcing
> his "attack dog" wife. It was crystal clear that the
> Clintons neither liked nor respected each other and
> this was true long before the Monica Lewinsky scandal.
>
> Theirs was genuinely a "marriage of convenience."
>
> Chelsea wloser to her father than her mother, even
> after the Lewinsky scandal, which hurt her gravely.
> Bill Clinton did in fact have charisma and
> occasionally would smile at or shake hands with his
> security detail. Still, he always displayed an
> obvious air of superiority towards them.
>
> His security detail uniformly believed him to be
> disingenuous, false and that he did nothing without a
> motive that in some way would enhance his image and
> political career. He was polite, but not kind. They
> did not particularly like him and nobody trusted him.
>
> Al Gore was the male version of Hillary Clinton. They
> were friendlier toward each other than either of them
> were towards former President Clinton. They were not
> intimate, so please don't read that in. They were
> very close in a political way. Tipper Gore was
> generally nice and pleasant. She initially liked
> Hillary but soon after the election she had her
> "pegged" and no longer liked her or associated with
> her except for events that were politically
> obligatory.
>
> Al Gore was far more left wing than Bill Clinton. Al
> Gore resented Bill Clinton and thought he was too
> "centrist." He despised all Republicans. His hatred
> was bitter and this was long before he announced for
> the Presidency. This hatred was something that he and
> Hillary had in common. They often said as much, even
> in the presence of their security detail. Neither of
> them trusted Bill Clinton and the Secret Service
> opined, neither of them even liked him. Bill Clinton
> did have some good qualities, whereas Al Gore and
> Hillary had none, in the view of their security
> details.
>
> Al Gore, like Hillary, was very rude and arrogant
> toward his security detail. He was extremely
> unappreciative and would not hesitate to scold them in
> the presence of their peers for minor details over
> which they had no control. Al Gore also looked down
> on them, as they finally observed and learned with
> certainty on one occasion. Al got angry at his
> offspring and pointed at his security detail and said,
> "Do you want to grow up and be like them?" Word of
> this insult by the former Vice-President quickly
> spread and he became as disliked by the Secret Service
> as Hillary.
>
> Most of them prayed Al Gore would not be elected
> President, and they really did have private
> celebrations in a few of their homes after President
> Bush won. This was not necessarily to celebrate
> President Bush's election, but to celebrate Al Gore's
> defeat.
>
> Everyone in the Secret Service wants to be on First
> Lady Laura Bush's detail. Without exception, they
> concede that she is perhaps the nicest and most kind
> person they have ever had the privilege of serving.
> Where Hillary patently refused to allow her picture to
> be taken with her security detail, Laura Bush doesn't
> even have to be asked, she offers. She doesn't just
> shake their hand and say, "Thank you, "very often, she
> will give members of her detail a kindhearted hug to
> express her appreciation. There is nothing false
> about her. This is her genuine nature. Her security
> detail considers her to be a "breath of fresh air."
> They joke that comparing Laura Bush with Hillary
> Clinton is like comparing "Mother Teresa" with the
> "Wicked Witch of the North."
>
> Likewise, the Secret Service considers President Bush
> to be a gem of a man to work for. He always treats
> them with genuine respect and he always trusts and
> listens to their expert advice.
>
> They really like the Crawford, Texas detail. Every
> time the president goes to Crawford he has a Bar-B-Q
> for his security detail and he helps serve their
> meals. He sits with them, eats with them and talks
> with them. He knows each of them by their first name,
> and calls them by their first name as a show of
> affection. He always asks about their family, the
> names of which he always remembers. They believe that
> he is deeply and genuinely appreciative of their
> service. They could not like, love, or respect anyone
> more than President Bush. Most of them did not know
> they would feel this way, until they had an
> opportunity to work for him and learn that his manner
> was genuine and consistent. It has never changed
> since he began his Presidency. He always treats them
> with the utmost respect, kindness and compassion.
>
> Please pass this on. It is important for Americans to
> have a true inside understanding of the the woman who
> is currently a candidate for president.
>
>
>
Subject: BOB AND THE BLONDE
> >
> >
> >
> > Bob, a handsome dude, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 PM.
> > He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV.
> >
> > The 10:00 PM news was coming on. The news crew was covering a
> > story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump.
> >
> > The blonde looked at Bob and said, "Do you think he'll jump?"
> > Bob says, "You know, I bet he'll jump."
> >
> > The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't." Bob placed a $20
> > bill on the bar and said, "You're on!"
> >
> > Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the
> > ledge did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death.
> >
> > The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her $20 to Bob,
> > saying, "Fair's fair. Here's your money."
> > Bob replied, "I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the
> > 5 PM news and so I knew he would jump."
> >
> > The blond replied, "I did too; but I didn't think he'd do it again."
> >
> > Bob took the money...
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > Bob, a handsome dude, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 PM.
> > He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV.
> >
> > The 10:00 PM news was coming on. The news crew was covering a
> > story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump.
> >
> > The blonde looked at Bob and said, "Do you think he'll jump?"
> > Bob says, "You know, I bet he'll jump."
> >
> > The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't." Bob placed a $20
> > bill on the bar and said, "You're on!"
> >
> > Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the
> > ledge did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death.
> >
> > The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her $20 to Bob,
> > saying, "Fair's fair. Here's your money."
> > Bob replied, "I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the
> > 5 PM news and so I knew he would jump."
> >
> > The blond replied, "I did too; but I didn't think he'd do it again."
> >
> > Bob took the money...
> >
> >
> >
> >
Daughter: My friends and I want to go out tonight.�
Mother: Where are ya'll going?
Daughter: To the cowboy bar on the edge of town.�
Mother: I'm don't think you should. There's been a lot of trouble at that place.
I heard there was a fight there last weekend, and several people got hurt.
�
Daughter: But mom!! Please!! It'll be okay.
Mother: No, your life is more important than going out.�
Daughter: But Tiny is going with us...
Mother: Well, in that case, it should be okay. Ya'll have fun!.
.
.
.
Questions I asked my new doctor. I love this guy!!!!
Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! .... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, i t gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!
Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.
And remember:
'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and we ll preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO HOO, What a Ride'
AND......
For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the t ru th after all those conflicting nutritional studies.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
CONCLUSION
Eat and drink what you like.
Speaking English is apparently what kills you.
Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! .... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, i t gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!
Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.
And remember:
'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and we ll preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO HOO, What a Ride'
AND......
For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the t ru th after all those conflicting nutritional studies.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
CONCLUSION
Eat and drink what you like.
Speaking English is apparently what kills you.
SUNDAY CLOTHES
A little boy was walking down a dirt road after church one Sunday afternoon when he came to a crossroads where he met a little girl coming from the other direction.
"Hello," said the little boy
"Hi," replied the little girl.
"Where are you going?" asked the little boy.
"I've been to church this morning and I'm on my way home,"
answered the little girl.
"I'm also on my way home from church.
Which church do you go to?" asked the little boy.
"I go to the Baptist church back down the road," replied the little girl.
"What about you? "
"I go to the Methodist church back at the top of the hill,"
replied the little boy.
They discover that they are both going the same way
so they decided that they'd walk together.
They came to a low spot in the road where spring rains had partially
flooded the road, so there was no way that they could get across to the
other side without getting wet.
"If I get my new Sunday dress wet, my Mom's going to skin me alive,"
said the little girl.
"My Mom'll tan my hide, too, if I get my new Sunday suit wet,"
replied the little boy.
"I tell you what I think I'll do," said the little girl. "I'm gonna pull
off all my clothes and hold them over my head and wade across."
"That's a good idea,"replied the little boy.
"I'm going to do the same thing with my suit."
So they both undressed and waded across to the other side without getting
their clothes wet. They were standing there in the sun waiting to drip dry
before putting their clothes back on, when the little boy finally remarked ...
"You know, I never realized before just how much difference there really is between a BAPTIST and a METHODIST!!!
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