Subject: A RECENT STUDY

A RECENT STUDY FOUND OUT WHICH DAYS MEN PREFER
TO HAVE SEX. IT WAS FOUND THAT MEN PREFERRED TO
ENGAGE IN SEXUAL ACTIVITY ON THE DAYS THAT STARTED
WITH THE LETTER 'T'.

EXAMPLES
TUESDAY
THURSDAY
TODAY

TOMORROW
THANKSGIVING
THATURDAY

THUNDAY
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~
A RECENT SURVEY WAS CONDUCTED ALSO TO DISCOVER
WHY MEN GET OUT OF BED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT. HERE ARE THE SURVEY RESULTS :
5% SAID IT WAS TO GET A GLASS OF WATER
12% SAID IT WAS TO GO TO THE BATHROOM
83% SAID IT WAS TO GO HOME
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~
WHAT'S THE BEST FORM OF BIRTH CONTROL AFTER
50?
NUDITY
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What's the difference between a girlfriend and
a wife?
ABOUT 45 LBS.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A BOYFRIEND AND
A HUSBAND?
ABOUT 45 MINUTES
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A SOUTHERN ZOO AND A NORTHERN ZOO?
A SOUTHERN ZOO HAS A DESCRIPTION OF THE ANIMAL
ON THE FRONT OF THE CAGE, ALONG WITH A RECIPE.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WHAT'S THE CUBAN NATIONAL ANTHEM?

ROW, ROW , ROW YOUR BOAT........ .
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

----- Original Message

Turn your sound up and wait about 30 seconds after you click onto the site and read the introduction.

Click here: Battle Hymn

TAKE DOWN the FEEDER!

I bought a bird feeder. I hung
it on my back porch and filled
it with seed. What a beauty of
a bird feeder it is, as I filled it
lovingly with seed. Within a
week we had hundreds of birds
taking advantage of the
continuous flow of free and
easily accessible food.

But then the birds started
building nests in the boards
of the patio, above the table,
and next to the barbecue.

Then came the poop. It was
everywhere: on the patio tile,
the chairs, the table ...everywhere !

Then some of the birds
turned mean. They would
dive bomb me and try to
peck me even though I had
fed them out of my own
pocket.

And others birds were
boisterous and loud. They
sat on the feeder and
squawked and screamed at
all hours of the day and night
and demanded that I fill it
when it got low on food.

After a while, I couldn't even
sit on my own back porch
anymore. So I took down the
bird feeder and in three days
the birds were gone. I cleaned
up their mess and took down
the many nests they had built
all over the patio.

Soon, the back yard was like
it used to be .. quiet, serene
and no one demanding their
rights to a free meal.

Now let's see ....
Our government gives out
free food, subsidized housing,
free medical care, and free
education and allows anyone
born here to be an automatic
citizen.

Then the illegals came by the
tens of thousands. Suddenly
our taxes went up to pay for
free services; small apartments
are housing 5 families; you
have to wait 6 hours to be seen
by an emergency room doctor;
your child's 2nd grade class is
behind other schools because
over half the class doesn't speak
English.

Corn Flakes now come in a
bilingual box; I have to
"press one" to hear my bank
talk to me in English, and
people waving flags other
than "Old Glory" are
squawking and screaming < /B>
in the streets, demanding
more rights and free liberties.

Just my opinion, but maybe
it's time for the government
to take down the bird feeder.
If you agree, pass it on; if not,
continue cleaning up the poop!

Four Nuns

It was Friday, and four nuns went to the priest at the local Catholic church to ask for the weekend off. They argued back and forth for a few minutes. Finally the priest agreed to let them leave the convent for the weekend.

"However", he said, "as soon as you get back Monday morning I want you to confess to me what you did over the weekend." The four nuns agree, and run off.

Monday comes, and the four nuns return. The first nun goes to the priest and says, "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned." The priest asks, "What did you do, Sister?" She replies, "I watched an R-rated movie." The priest looks up at heaven for a few seconds, then replies, "You are forgiven. Go and drink the holy water."

The first nun leaves, and the fourth nun begins to chuckle quietly under her breath. The second nun then goes up to the priest and says, "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned." The priest replies, "OK, what h appened?" She says, "I was driving my broth! er's car down the street in front of his house, and I hit a neighbors dog and killed it."

The priest looks up to heaven for half a minute, then says, "You are forgiven. Go and drink the holy water." The second nun goes out. By this time, the fourth nun is laughing quite audibly.

Then the third nun walks to the priest and says, "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned." The priest asks, "Out with it. What did you do?" She says, "Last night, I ran naked up and down Main Street."

The priest looks up at heaven for a full five minutes before responding, "God forgives you. Go and drink the holy water." She leaves.

The fourth nun falls on the floor, laughing so hard tears run down her cheeks. The priest asks her, "OK. What did you do that was so darn funny?"

The fourth nun replies, "I peed in the holy water..."

A blonde and a brunette were taking the elevator to the lobby from the
>25th floor. On the 23rd floor, a very handsome looking man with great
>hair but
> dandruff gets into the elevator. The women exchange a look acknowledging
> just how good looking this man is.
>
>
> The man gets off the elevator on the 12th floor. The women watch him
>exit
> the elevator. Then the brunette turns to the blonde and says,
> "God was he good looking, but someone ought to give him some Head &
> Shoulders."
>
>
> To which the blonde replies, "How do you give Shoulders?"
>

SO FUNNY!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Lonely Brain Cell Once upon a time there was a female brain cell which, by mistake, happened to end up in a man's head. She looked around nervously because it was all empty and quiet. 'Hello?' she cried, but no answer. 'Is there anyone here?' she cried a little louder, but still no answer. Now the female brain cell started to feel alone and scared. So she yelled at the top of her voice, 'HELLO, IS THERE ANYONE HERE?' Then she heard a faint voice from far, far away.... 'We're down here .....'

Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?

Female customer: A white one...
--------------------------------

Customer: Hi, this is Celine . I can't get my diskette out.
Tech support: Have you tried pushing the Button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.
Customer: No , wait a minute.. I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my
desk... sorry....
--------------------------------

Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?
--------------------------------

Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello... I can't print.
Tech support: Would you click on 'start' for me and...
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill
Gates.
--------------------------------

Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time
I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed
it in
front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...
--------------------------------

Customer: I have problems printing in red..
Tech support: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah....................thank you.
--------------------------------

Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at the 7-11.
--------------------------------

Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer:! OK
Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there
another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah..that one does work...
--------------------------------

Tech support: Your password is the small letter 'a' as in apple,
a capital letter V as n Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters ?
--------------------------------

Customer: I can't get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.
-------------------------------

Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.
-------------------------------

Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen
saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.
-------------------------------

Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the
circle around it?
--------------------------------

A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.

Tech support: Are you running it under windows?
Customer: 'No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point.
The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer
is working fine.'
--------------------------------

And last but not least...

Tech support: 'Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same
time.
That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter
'P' to bring
up the Program Manager.'
Customer: I don't have a P.
Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: What do you mean?
Tech support: 'P'.....on your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!

OK ALL LET'S SEE HOW GOOD YOU REALLY ARE. ANY ONE FIGURE OUT HOW THIS WORKS?

Mind boggling!

CLICK ON HOUSE

While walking down the street one day in Washington DC, a US senator is tragically killed by gang violence. His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

'Welcome to heaven,' says St. Peter. 'Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, so we're not sure what to do with you.'

'No problem, just let me in,' says the senator.

'Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity.'

'Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven,' says the senator.

'I'm sorry, but we have our rules.' And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of him are his friends and other politicians. Everyone is very happy, dressed in evening attire and having a grand time. They run to greet the senator and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people.

Some of his old buddies and he play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne. Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy enjoying himself having a good time dancing and telling jokes.

Before long though, it is time to go. Everyone waves a hearty farewell as the elevator rises with the senator inside. It goes up, up, up and the door reopens in heaven where St. Peter is waiting. 'Now it's time to visit heaven.'

So, 24 hours pass with the senator joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before long, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

'Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity.'

The senator reflects for a minute, then answers: 'Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell.'

So St. Peter escorts the senator to the elevator and it goes down, down, down to hell. Now the doors of the elevator open in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. All of his friends are dressed in rags and are picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above. The devil comes over and puts his arm around the senator.

'I don't understand,' stammers the senator. 'Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse. We ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, danced and had a great time playing golf. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?'

The devil smiles and says, 'Yesterday we were campaigning. Today you voted.'

Reply

Reply to all

Forward

NUDITY
"I was driving with my three young children one warm summer day when a woman
in a convertable ahead of me, stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I
was reeling from the shock, I heard my five-year old shout from the back

seat, "Look mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
HONESTY
"My four-year old son came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me that he

had dropped his tooth brush into the toilet. I went into the bathroom,
fished it out and threw it into the garbage.
He then ran into my bathroom, grabbed my tooth brush and said, "Mom, you
better throw this in the garbage too, cause I dropped it in the toilet

yesterday."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from <>his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not

necessarily those of his parents."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
KETCHUP
A woman was banging the bottom of the ketchup trying to loosen up the
contents.. During the struggle the phone rang so she asked her four-year old

daughter to answer it. "Its the minister mommy."
She then said to the minister, "I'm sorry but mommy can't come to the phone
right now, she's hitting the bottle."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

MORE NUDITY
A little boy was with his mother at the YWCA and got lost. Somehow he found
himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into
shieks with the women grabbing towels or anything else they could to cover
themselves. The little boy watched with amazement and then asked, "What's the
matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ELDERLY
"When working for the organization, "Meals on Wheels," I used to take my
four-year old daughter on the afternoon rounds. For some reason, appliances such
as canes, walkers and wheelchairs seemed to fascinate her. One day I saw her

staring at a pair of false teeth in a glass. As I braced myself for the
inevitable question, she merely turned to me and whispered, "The tooth fairy will
NEVER believe this!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

DEATH
While walking along the sidewalk, a priest heard, coming from the other
side of a fence, the intoning of a prayer that almost made his collar wilt.
Apparently a five -year old girl and some of her friends found a dead turtle and

decided to give it a formal funeral. They put the turtle in a small box, and
dug a hole. One little girl was elected to give the final prayer before the
grave was covered. She began, "Glory be to the Father, to the Son and into the

hole he goes."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of school and seemed
depressed. Her mother asked her what the problem was and she replied, "I can't read,

I can't write and they won't let me talk."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
THE BIBLE
A little boy opened the family's large Bible and was fascinated as he
fingered through the many pages. When he was about halfway through, he came across

a large leaf that someone had pressed between the pages. He then called to
his mother, "Look w hat I found mom! I think it's Adam's underwear!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Subject: Bob

Bob works hard and spends most evenings bowling or playing basketball at the gym. His wife thinks he is pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.

The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Bob! How ya doin?" His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. "Oh no," says Bob. "He's on my bowling team."

When they are seated, a waitress asks Bob if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser. His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, "How did she know that you drink B udweiser?" "She's in the Ladies' Bowling League,honey. We share lanes with them."

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Bob and starts to rub herself all over him and says,"Hi Bobbie. Want your usual table dance, big boy?" Bob's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.

Bob follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. Bob tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it.

She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every four letter word in the book. The cabby turns around and says, "Geez Bob, you picked up a real bitch this time."

Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl'.
>
> The priest asks, 'Is that you, little Joey Pagano ?'
>
> 'Yes, Father, it is.'
>
> 'And who was the girl you were with?'
>
> 'I can't tell you, Father, I don't want to ruin her reputation'
>
> Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later
>
> so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti ?'
>
> 'I cannot say.'
>
> 'Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?'
>
> 'I'll never tell.'
>
> 'Was it Nina Capelli?'
>
> 'I'm sorry, but I cannot name her.'
>
> 'Was it Cathy Piriano?'
>
> 'My lips are sealed.'
>
> 'Was it Rosa Di Angelo, then?'
>
> 'Please, Father, I cannot tell you.'
>
> The priest sighs in frustration. 'You're very tight lipped, J oey Pagano,
>
> and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone.
>
> You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself.'
>
> Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and
>
> whispers, 'What'd you get?'
>
> '4 months vacation and five good leads.'

Why men have better friends

Friendship Between Women:
A woman didn't come home one night. The next day she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew about it.

Friendship Between Men:
A man didn't come home one night. The next day he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends. Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over, and two claimed that he was still there.

WHEN GIRLS DRINK TOO MUCH........ ....

1. WE HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHERE OUR PURSE IS.

2. WE BELIEVE THAT DANCING WITH OUR ARMS OVERHEAD AND WIGGLING OUR BUTT WHILE YELLING "WOO-HOO!" IS TRULY THE SEXIEST DANCE MOVE AROUND.

3. WE'VE SUDDENLY DECIDED THAT WE WANT TO KICK SOMEONE'S BUTT AND HONESTLY BELIEVE WE COULD DO IT TOO.

4. IN OUR LAST TRIP TO PEE, WE REALIZE THAT WE NOW LOOK MORE LIKE A HOMELESS HOOKER THAN THE GODDESS WE WERE JUST FOUR HOURS AGO.

5. WE START CRYING AND TELLING EVERYONE WE SEE THAT WE LOVE THEM SOOOOO MUCH.
6. WE GET EXTREMELY EXCITED AND JUMP UP AND DOWN EVERY TIME A NEW SONG PLAYS BECAUSE "OH MY GOD! I LOVE THIS SONG!"

7. WE'VE FOUND A DEEPER/SPIRITUAL SIDE TO THE GEEK SITTING NEXT TO US.

8. WE'VE SUDDENLY TAKEN UP SMOKING AND BECOME REALLY GOOD AT IT.

9. WE YELL AT THE BARTENDER, WHO WE BELIEVE CHEAT US BY GIVING US JUST LEMONADE, BUT THAT'S JUST BECAUSE WE CAN NO LONGER TASTE THE VODKA.

10. WE THINK WE ARE IN BED, BUT OUR PILLOW FEELS STRANGELY LIKE THE KITCHEN FLOOR (or the mop?)

11. WE FAIL TO NOTICE THAT THE TOILET LID'S DOWN WHEN WE SIT ON IT.

12. WE TAKE OUR SHOES OFF BECAUSE WE BELIEVE IT'S THEIR FAULT THAT WE'RE HAVING PROBLEMS WALKING STRAIGHT.

SEND THIS ALONG TO ALL THE GIRLS YOU KNOW WHO LIKE TO HAVE FUN. MAKE THEM LAUGH AT THEMSELVES LIKE YOU PROBABLY DID....SADLY, MANY ARE TRUE!

And Remember...
"A clean house is the sign of a wasted life"

Aging Aunt Mildred

Aging Aunt Mildred was a 93-year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband. She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death.

Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out his old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart, since it was badly broken in the first place.

Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and a burden to someon e, she called her doctor's office to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be on a woman. The doctor said, "Your heart would be just below your left breast".

Later that night........ Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her knee.

9 WORDS WOMEN USE

(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

(4) Go Ahead : This is a dare, not permission. Don 't Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says "Thanks a lot" - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say "you're welcome" ... that will bring on a "whatever").

(8) What ever: Is a women's way of saying F@!K YOU!

(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking "What's wrong?" For the woman's response refer to # 3.

* Send this to the men you know, to warn them about arguments they can
avoid if they remember the terminology.

* Send this to all the women you know to give them a good laugh, cause they
know it's true.

this is worth watching...enjoy....con

Can you believe this is a 4 yr old??!!!!!!!! This kid is so cute!

this is one awesome young man....check him out

	Hank Williams, Jr. brings a 4 your old boy up on stage with him to perform! AWESOME VIDEO Click Here to Watch: 4 Year Old

Sperm Bank in China

Is this why men visit China?

SPERM BANK IN CHINA Gotta love the cute little hats

Yes!!!! its a Sperm bank in China !!!

Beats the blood bank anyday!!!

I'LL BET THEY NEVER HAVE TO ASK FOR VOLUNTEERS ON THE RADIO

Yesterday is HISTORY,
Tomorrow is a MYSTERY,
Today is a GIFT;
That is why they call it THE PRESENT.

THE SPOILED UNDER-30 CROWD

When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious
Diatribes about how hard things were when they
Were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every
Morning... Uphill... BOTH ways, yadda, yadda, yadda!
And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was
Going to lay a bunch of crap like that on kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it!

But now that... I'm over the ripe old age of... Thirty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today. You've
got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a damn utopia!

And I hate to say it but you kids today you don't know how good you've got it!

I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have The
Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the damn
Library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalog!!

There was no email! We had to actually write
Somebody a letter ...with a pen! Then you had to walk all the way
Across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take like a week
To Get there!
There were no MP3's or Napsters! If you wanted to steal music, you had to
Hitchhike to the damn record store and shoplift
It yourself! Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio
And the DJ's usually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up!

We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If
You were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal,
that's it! And we didn't have fancy Caller ID Boxes either! When the phone
Rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your
Mom, your boss, your bookie, your drug dealer, a collections agent, you
Just didn't know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances,
Mister!

We didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation video
Games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With
Games like 'Space Invaders' and 'asteroids' and the graphics sucked!
Your guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination!
And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen
Forever! And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and
Harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE.

When you went to the movie theater there no such thing as stadium
Seating! All the seats were the same height! If a tall guy or some old
Broad
With a hat sat in front of you and you couldn't see, you were just screwed!


Sure, we had cable television, but back then that was only like 15 channels and there was no onscreen menu and no remote control! You had to use a
Little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off your ass and walk over to the TV to change the channel; and there was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning.

Do you hear what I'm saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you
Spoiled little bastards!

And we didn't have microwaves, if we wanted to heat something up we had to
Use the stove or go build a frigging fire..... Imagine that! If we wanted
Popcorn, we had to use that stupid Jiffy Pop thing and shake it over the
Stove forever like an idiot.

That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy.
You're spoiled!!!!!!!!!

You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1980!

Oh yeah, and a seatbelt was Mom throwing her arm across your chest every
Time she hit the brakes.

GOVERNMENT HEALTH WARNING
DO NOT SWALLOW BUBBLE-GUM !!

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/science/nature/7213571.stm

Subject: Why I fired my Secretary.

Last week was my birthday

and I didn't feel very well

waking up on that morning.

I went downstairs for breakfast

hoping my wife would be pleasant and say,

'Happy Birthday!',

and possibly have a small present for me.

As it turned out,

she barely said good morning,

let alone

' Happy Birthday.'

I thought..

Well, that's marriage for you,

but the kids...

They will remember.

My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast

and didn't say a word.

So when I left for the office,

I felt pretty low

and somewhat despondent.

As I walked into my office,

my secretary Jane said,

'Good Morning Boss,

and by the way

Happy Birthday ! '

It felt a little better

that at least someone had remembered.

I worked until one o'clock ,

when Jane knocked o n my door

and said, 'You know,

It's such a beautiful day outside,

and it is your Birthday,

what do you say we go out to lunch,

just you and me.'

I said, 'Thanks, Jane,

that's the greatest thing

I've heard all day.

Let's go !'

We went to lunch.

But we didn't go

where we normally would go.

She chose instead at a quiet bistro

with a private table.

We had two martinis each

and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.

On the way back to the office,

Jane said, 'You know,

It's such a beautiful day...

We don't need to go straight back to the office,

Do We ?'

I responded,

'I guess not.

What do you have in mind ?'

She said,

'Let's drop by my apartment,

it's just around the corner.'

After arriving at her apartment,

Jane turned to me and said,

' Boss, if you don't mind,

I'm going to step into the bedroom

for just a moment.

I'll be right back.'

'Ok.' I nervously replied.

She went into the bedroom and,

after a couple of minutes,

she came out

carrying a huge birthday cake ...

Followed

by my wife,

my kids,

and dozens of my friends

and co-workers,

all singing 'Happy Birthday'.

And I just sat there...

On the couch...

Naked.

A BBC film crew has captured footage of a rare frog waving, wrestling and
courting for the first time.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/science/nature/7219803.stm