"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." -- Stephen Bishop
"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." -- John Bright
"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." -- Irvin S. Cobb
"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others." -- Samuel Johnson
"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." -- Paul Keating
"He had delusions of adequacy." -- Walter Kerr
"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address
on it?" -- Mark Twain
"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." -- Mae West
"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." -- Oscar Wilde
Lady Astor once remarked to Winston Churchill at a Dinner Party,
"Winston, if you were my husband, I would poison your coffee!"
Winston replied, "Madam if I were your husband I would drink it!"
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Today's Featured Humor : -) - Are They Male or Female?
ZIPLOC BAGS - male, because they hold everything in, but you can always see right through them.
SHOE - male, because it is usually unpolished, with its tongue hanging out.
COPIER - female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm up.
TIRE - male, because it goes bald and often is over inflated.
HOT AIR BALLOON - male, because to get it to go anywhere you have to light a fire under it ... and, of course, there's the hot air part.
SPONGES - female, because they are soft and squeezable and retain water.
SUBWAY - male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.
HOURGLASS - female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.
HAMMER - male, because it hasn't evolved much over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have around.
REMOTE CONTROL - female! Ha! You thought we'd say male. But consider, it gives men pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying.
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