"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." -- John Bright
"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." -- Irvin S. Cobb
"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others." -- Samuel Johnson
"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." -- Paul Keating
"He had delusions of adequacy." -- Walter Kerr
"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" -- Mark Twain
"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."-- Mae West
"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." -- Oscar Wilde
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Today's Featured Humor : -) - - Strange Aptronyms - Names That Match the Occupation
These are real APTRONYMS...
names that match the occupations.
Ray Ferrie is a retired ferryboat captain.
Linda Toot was the principal flute and William Basson was the bassoonist in the Milwaukee Symphony Orchestra.
The current Florida Bar directory lists eight lawyers whose surname is "Law." They outnumber the Justices, of whom only four are listed. One Just. One Juster. Two Judges, neither of whom is a judge. One Council, but no Counsel.
Miss Cashdollar was the treasurer of a grade school.
Mr. Sues is a lawyer.
A soldier was spotted at a San Francisco military base with the nametag "Mankiller."
The 2001-2 Membership and Referral Directory of the American Urology Association includes 9 Dr. Peters, 11 Dr. Wang, 4 Dr. Wiener, 4 Dr. Cox, 1 Dr. Dick, 3 Dr. Philpott, 1 Dr. Urich, 1 Dr. John Thomas and 1 Dr. Insoft
Richard Seed is a pioneer of reproductive technology.
Cardinal Jaime Sin is former head of the Catholic Church in the Philippines.
Prof. Martin Braine is an American cognitive psychologist.
Prof. John Wisdom is an American philosopher.
Dr. Mishe Feinmesser (which means knife), is an Israeli surgeon.
Dr. Fingers is a well-know gynecologist in Australia.
Lake Speed is a NASCAR driver.
Dr. Dick Bone is an osteopath.
Patricia Feral is an animal rights activist in Stamford, CT.
A guy name Hooker runs a bait shop.
George Hammer used to own a hardware store in Louisville, KY. His son, Pete Hammer, now owns it.
The expert on deformed frogs (a problem in Minnesota) is Professor Hoppe of Southwest University of Minnesota.
In Maine, there is a veterinarian named Dr. Beever and a physician named Dr. DeKay.
Bruce Payne and David Swett are authors.
There is a law firm in California called Payne & Fears who represent employers in employment litigation.
At the British Guards Depot, the chief medical officer was a Captain Blood, his assistant was Lieutenant Butcher; the Dental Officer was a Major Savage.
Dr. I. Doctor, Eye Doctor, is an ophthalmologist.
There's a used car dealership was owned by Karl Krook.
At the Oscar Mayer plant in Madison, WI, the FED meat inspector is named Mr. Carrion.
Dr. Metzger is an orthopedic surgeon. The name translated from German means "butcher."
Jared Wooley raises sheep and Dr. Bone is an orthopedist in Buffalo, NY. Back in the '70s there were two urologists in Rochester, NY named Dr. Cocky and Dr. Wee.
Dr. David Toothaker is a dentist in Arkansas.
There is also a Dr. Coffin, Dr. Fearing, Dr. Sorrow, Dr. Pray and Dr. Death (pronounced Deeth) who should probably change his name or his profession.
And not to be outdone by Yanks, Bracebridge, Ontario, Canada, boasts of an optometrist named Gord Looker, an electrician named Bruce Sparks, a heating contractor named Mr. Freeze, a sawmill operator named Jordan Plank, and Jim Crook manages the local penitentiary while his assistant is Susan Penwarden.
Dr. Tom Fillar is a dentist.
Sir Russell Brain is a famous English neurologist.
Dr. Hertz was a dentist in Ft. Lauderdale.
Rev. D. Goodenough is a Methodist minister.
Roland Cruz is an auto mechanic.
Dr. Slaughter is an oral surgeon.
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