WOMAN AND FISH

WORLD ECONOMY EXPLAINED IN COW CURRENCY

> World Economy explained in Cow currency
>
>
> SOCIALISM: You have 2 cows, and you give one to your neighbour.
>
> COMMUNISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk.
>
> FASCISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk.
>
> NAZISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you.
>
> BUREAUCRATISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks
> the other and then throws the milk away.
>
> TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
> Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the
> income.
>
> SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take
> harmonica lessons.
>
> AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the
> other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to
> analyse why the
> cow has dropped dead.
>
> ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell three of them to
> your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your
> brother-in-law at
> the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer
> so that
> you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk
> rights of the
> six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company
> secretly
> owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows
> back to your
> listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with
> an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United
> States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the
> release. The public buys your bull.
>
> FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike, organize a
> riot, and block the roads because you want three cows.
>
> JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are
> one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
> You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'cowkimon' and market
> it worldwide.
>
> GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live
> for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
>
> ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows, but you don't know where they
> are. You decide to have lunch.
>
> RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn you
> have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You
> count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and
> open another bottle of vodka.
>
> SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you. You
> charge the owners for storing them.
>
> CHINESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You have 300 people milking
> them. You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine
> productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.
>
> BRITISH CORPORATION: You have two cows. Both are mad. One used to be
> Prime Minister.
>
> IRAQI CORPORATION: Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them
> that you have none. No one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of
> you and invade your country. You still have no cows, but at least now
> you are part of a Democracy.
>
> WELSH CORPORATION: You have two cows. The one on the left looks very
> attractive.
>
> AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. Business seems pretty good.
> You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.
>

GROWING OLD

To my friends who continue to grow old with me. thank goodness ! * SERENITY * * Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, 'How old was your husband?' '98,' she replied 'Two years older than me' 'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented. She responded, 'Hardly worth going home, is it? * Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: 'And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?' the reporter asked She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.' * I've sure gotten old ! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver's license. * I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over. * An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart. 'Wal-Mart?' the preacher exclaimed. 'Why Wal-Mart?' 'Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week' * My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be. * Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out. * It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee maker. * These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, 'For fast relief.' * THE SENILITY PRAYER : Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference. * Now, I think you're supposed to share this with 5 or 6, maybe 10 others. Oh heck, give it to a bunch of your friends if you can remember who they are ! (IF you desire, keep the faith) * * * Always Remember This: You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You grow old because you stop laughing. * * *

HIT GEORGE WITH THE SHOE

G. Bush Ego-Shoe-Ter

AMAZING

http://vimeo.com/moogaloop.swf?clip_id=1778399&server=vimeo.com&show_title=1&show_byline=1&show_portrait=0&color=&fullscreen=1

THE SPIDER!-move mouse over spider

http://www.onemotion.com/flash/spider/

COPY MACHINE

WHAT DO WE SEE?

A man sat at a metro station in Washington DC and started to play the violin; it was a cold January morning. He played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes. During that time, since it was rush hour, it was calculated that thousand of people went through the station, most of them on their way to work.

Three minutes went by and a middle aged man noticed there was musician playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds and then hurried up to meet his schedule.

A minute later, the violinist received his first dollar tip: a woman threw the money in the till and without stopping continued to walk.

A few minutes later, someone leaned against the wall to listen to him, but the man looked at his watch and started to walk again. Clearly he was late for work.

The one who paid the most attention was a 3 year old boy. His mother tagged him along, hurried but the kid stopped to look at the violinist. Finally the mother pushed hard and the child continued to walk turning his head all the time. This action was repeated by several other children. All the parents, without exception, forced them to move on.

In the 45 minutes the musician played, only 6 people stopped and stayed for a while. About 20 gave him money but continued to walk their normal pace. He collected $32. When he finished playing and silence took over, no one noticed it. No one applauded, nor was there any recognition.

No one knew this but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the best musicians in the world. He played one of the most intricate pieces ever written with a violin worth 3.5 million dollars.

Two days before his playing in the subway, Joshua Bell sold out at a theater in Boston and the seats average $100.

Joshua Bell playing incognito in the metro station was organized by the Washington Post as part of an social experiment about perception, taste and priorities of people. The outlines were: in a commonplace environment at an inappropriate hour: Do we perceive beauty? Do we stop to appreciate it? Do we recognize the talent in an unexpected context?

One of the possible conclusions from this experience could be:

If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world playing the best music ever written, how many other things are we missing?