DISNEYLAND
Two blondes were going to Disneyland . They were driving on the Interstate when they saw the sign that said Disneyland LEFT. They started crying and turned around and went home.
FLORIDA OR MOON
Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, 'Which do you think is farther away... Florida or the moon?' The other blonde turns and says 'Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ?????'
CAR
TROUBLE
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the
mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, 'What's the story?'
He replies, 'Just crap in the carburetor'
She asks, 'How often do I have to do that?'
SPEEDING
TICKET
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.
She replied in a huff, 'I wish you guys would get your act together.
Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!'
RIVER
WALK
There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank 'Yoo-hoo!' she shouts, 'How can I get to the other side?'
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, 'You ARE on the other side.'
AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.
'Impossible!' says the doctor.. 'Show me.'
The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.
The doctor said, 'You're not really a redhead, are you?
'Well, no' she said, 'I'm actually a blonde.'
'I thought so,' the doctor said, 'Your finger is broken.'
KNITTING
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!
Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, 'PULL OVER!'
'NO!' the blonde yelled back, 'IT'S A SCARF!'
BLONDE
ON THE SUN
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day.
The Russian said, 'We were the first in space!'
The American said, 'We were the first on the moon!'
The Blonde said, 'So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!' The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads.
'You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!' said the Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, 'We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!'
IN A
VACUUM
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night... It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, 'If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?' She thought for a time and then asked, 'Is it on or off?'
FINALLY,
THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?' 'HELLLOOOOOOO......,' answered the blonde. 'They're watch dogs'!
Sunday, May 30, 2010
WORST DRIVERS BY STATE
Whenever I ride in a taxi in New York City, I marvel at the intestinal fortitude of the drivers who navigate pedestrians, potholes and other drivers who seem to have learned how to drive via a video game. And, according to a recent survey of driver knowledge by GMAC Insurance, it turns out that the awe these drivers inspire is justified.
GMAC's sixth annual survey quizzed more than 5,200 licensed Americans from across the country on their driving knowledge and New York drivers fared the worst for the second year in a row, with an average score of 70 percent. That's more than six percentage points below the national average score of 76.2 percent. New Jersey residents shouldn't laugh too loudly at their neighbor's expense. Garden State drivers finished second to last. Kansas, on the other hand, proved to be the best place to drive with a score of 82.3 percent. Oregon, South Dakota, Minnesota, Iowa and Nebraska drivers were also among the best performers on the survey.
Overall, though, the findings were pretty dismal. The study found that "nearly 1 in 5 licensed drivers -- roughly 38 million Americans -- would not pass a written drivers test exam if taken today." A whopping 85 percent could not identify the correct action to take when approaching a steady yellow traffic light (hint: it involves the brake pedal). Many drivers also remained uncertain about safe following distances.
Nationally, the average score slipped from 76.2 percent from 76.6 percent. "When analyzed regionally, the results reveal that drivers in the Northeast may not be as road-rule savvy as their Midwestern counterparts," according to GMAC's press release. "The Northeast had the lowest average test scores (74.9 percent) and had the highest failure rate (25.1 percent). The Midwest region had the highest average test scores (77.5 percent) and the lowest failure rates (11.9 percent)."
Some other notable trends: Older drivers outperformed younger ones and men did better on the test than women but also flunked it at a higher rate. One-in-four drivers admitted that they did "distracting behaviors" such as selecting music on their iPhones, applying make-up or reading, though only 5 percent admitted to text-ing while driving.
The results are similar to GMAC's finding over the past six years that it has conducted the survey. Wade Bontrager, senior vice president of GMAC Insurance, is not sure why there is such a disparity in results but does have some theories. He believes drivers in large, urban areas fare worse than their counterparts in rural areas because they must contend with more distractions and they don't drive as often because they rely more heavily on public transportation. Nevertheless, he doesn't think these factors should be used as an excuse.
"There is knowing the rules of the road, and there is obeying the rules of the road," he says.
2010 GMAC Insurance Driver's Test Results
(Ranked in order of worst drivers by state to best drivers by state)
Scoring is from 1 to 100 on a 20 question test.
1. (WORST) New York - 70.0
2. New Jersey - 70.5
3. Dist. of Columbia - 71.9
4. California - 73.3
5. Rhode Island - 73.8
6. Louisiana - 74.1
7. West Virginia - 74.8
7. Hawaii - 74.8
9. New Hampshire - 74.9
9. Kentucky - 74.9
11. Florida - 75.2
12. Mississippi - 75.6
13. Pennsylvania - 75.8
13. Massachusetts - 75.8
15. North Carolina - 75.9
15. Arkansas - 75.9
17. Texas - 76.0
18. Connecticut - 76.3
19. Illinois - 76.6
20. Georgia - 76.7
21. Alabama - 77.1
22. South Carolina - 77.2
23. New Mexico - 77.3
24. Virginia - 77.5
24. Ohio - 77.5
26. Maine - 77.6
26. Delaware - 77.6
28. Colorado - 77.8
29. Utah- 77.9
30. Vermont - 78.1
30. Nevada - 78.1
32. Maryland - 78.2
33. Tennessee - 78.3
34. Wyoming - 78.4
35. Arizona - 78.5
36. Missouri - 78.8
37. Michigan - 79.0
38. North Dakota - 79.1
39. Oklahoma - 79.3
40. Wisconsin - 79.4
40. Washington - 79.4
42. Alaska - 79.8
43. Montana - 80.0
44. Idaho - 80.1
45. Indiana - 80.4
46. Nebraska - 80.5
47. Iowa - 80.8
48. Minnesota - 81.1
49. South Dakota - 81.2
50. Oregon - 82.1
51. (BEST) Kansas 82.3
GMAC's sixth annual survey quizzed more than 5,200 licensed Americans from across the country on their driving knowledge and New York drivers fared the worst for the second year in a row, with an average score of 70 percent. That's more than six percentage points below the national average score of 76.2 percent. New Jersey residents shouldn't laugh too loudly at their neighbor's expense. Garden State drivers finished second to last. Kansas, on the other hand, proved to be the best place to drive with a score of 82.3 percent. Oregon, South Dakota, Minnesota, Iowa and Nebraska drivers were also among the best performers on the survey.
Overall, though, the findings were pretty dismal. The study found that "nearly 1 in 5 licensed drivers -- roughly 38 million Americans -- would not pass a written drivers test exam if taken today." A whopping 85 percent could not identify the correct action to take when approaching a steady yellow traffic light (hint: it involves the brake pedal). Many drivers also remained uncertain about safe following distances.
**** Are You a Smart Driver? -- Take Test and Find Out ****
Nationally, the average score slipped from 76.2 percent from 76.6 percent. "When analyzed regionally, the results reveal that drivers in the Northeast may not be as road-rule savvy as their Midwestern counterparts," according to GMAC's press release. "The Northeast had the lowest average test scores (74.9 percent) and had the highest failure rate (25.1 percent). The Midwest region had the highest average test scores (77.5 percent) and the lowest failure rates (11.9 percent)."
Some other notable trends: Older drivers outperformed younger ones and men did better on the test than women but also flunked it at a higher rate. One-in-four drivers admitted that they did "distracting behaviors" such as selecting music on their iPhones, applying make-up or reading, though only 5 percent admitted to text-ing while driving.
The results are similar to GMAC's finding over the past six years that it has conducted the survey. Wade Bontrager, senior vice president of GMAC Insurance, is not sure why there is such a disparity in results but does have some theories. He believes drivers in large, urban areas fare worse than their counterparts in rural areas because they must contend with more distractions and they don't drive as often because they rely more heavily on public transportation. Nevertheless, he doesn't think these factors should be used as an excuse.
"There is knowing the rules of the road, and there is obeying the rules of the road," he says.
2010 GMAC Insurance Driver's Test Results
(Ranked in order of worst drivers by state to best drivers by state)
Scoring is from 1 to 100 on a 20 question test.
1. (WORST) New York - 70.0
2. New Jersey - 70.5
3. Dist. of Columbia - 71.9
4. California - 73.3
5. Rhode Island - 73.8
6. Louisiana - 74.1
7. West Virginia - 74.8
7. Hawaii - 74.8
9. New Hampshire - 74.9
9. Kentucky - 74.9
11. Florida - 75.2
12. Mississippi - 75.6
13. Pennsylvania - 75.8
13. Massachusetts - 75.8
15. North Carolina - 75.9
15. Arkansas - 75.9
17. Texas - 76.0
18. Connecticut - 76.3
19. Illinois - 76.6
20. Georgia - 76.7
21. Alabama - 77.1
22. South Carolina - 77.2
23. New Mexico - 77.3
24. Virginia - 77.5
24. Ohio - 77.5
26. Maine - 77.6
26. Delaware - 77.6
28. Colorado - 77.8
29. Utah- 77.9
30. Vermont - 78.1
30. Nevada - 78.1
32. Maryland - 78.2
33. Tennessee - 78.3
34. Wyoming - 78.4
35. Arizona - 78.5
36. Missouri - 78.8
37. Michigan - 79.0
38. North Dakota - 79.1
39. Oklahoma - 79.3
40. Wisconsin - 79.4
40. Washington - 79.4
42. Alaska - 79.8
43. Montana - 80.0
44. Idaho - 80.1
45. Indiana - 80.4
46. Nebraska - 80.5
47. Iowa - 80.8
48. Minnesota - 81.1
49. South Dakota - 81.2
50. Oregon - 82.1
51. (BEST) Kansas 82.3
**** Are You a Smart Driver? -- Take Test and Find Out ****
EARTH MEANDERS
EARTH MEANDERS 2.0
United States of Ecocide: Spilling and Consuming Way to Oblivion
A great, free nation remains immobilized in the face of ecological collapse
May 29, 2009
By Dr. Glen Barry, Ecological Internet
Earth Meanders come from Earth's Newsdesk, http://www.ecoearth.info/newsdesk/
http://www.ecoearth.info/earthmeanders/
The United States of America is an epic experiment, as despite great accomplishments and numerous imperfections, we share a long history of constantly striving to improve our union. As Americans settle in for Memorial Day to remember veterans of all stripes – from great wars of world defense to more recent military adventurism – it is appropriate to consider what the current Gulf Oil Spill says about the American way of life. Plainly, our addiction to oil and consumption in general threatens to destroy regional and global ecosystems – the water, air, land and oceans –upon which Americans, humanity and all species depend upon for habitat and life.
America is truly exceptional. Yet it is not because of our materially excessive lifestyles, as best demonstrated by our wide girths and ample posteriors. There is more to America than consumption. Our greatness is primarily due to our wavering, imperfect yet unique commitment to freedom and liberty. Over two hundred years ago a just revolution was fought asserting individual liberties from monarchial authoritarianism. The principles of freedom and liberty were a gift to the world. This is what truly has set us apart. And despite two decades of consistent roll-backs in civil and human rights, Americans remain for now free peoples to prosper or expire.
America has and continues to face many challenges – repudiating slavery, enfranchising most, world wars – and most recently the inevitable slowdown of economic growth as speculative, industrial capitalism runs its course. America has enjoyed for awhile super-sized living and grown to be what it is based upon liquidating ecosystems. We have progressed to the point where regional ecosystems are collapsing – most obviously in the Gulf Coast, but throughout the vast country as ecosystems are dying. America now faces our most difficult and profound test ever, coming to terms with our deeply ecologically unsustainable lifestyles, and committing to national and global ecological sustainability.
Clearly the American way of life has been built upon liquidating our own and foreign natural life-giving ecosystems to access resources for consumption. To equate mowing ancient forests, dumping waste into water, over-fishing oceans, polluting the atmosphere, and the pervasive toxic chemical cocktail with progress and development is absurd. It is entirely possible that oil deep undersea and within our shared Earth was not meant to be drilled, much less burnt. America must directly face our profound dependence upon oil and destruction of natural ecosystems as the basis of our economy; or our country will collapse, many if not all will needlessly suffer and prematurely die, and a livable Earth may cease to exist.
The oil spilling endlessly into the Gulf of Mexico – one of America’s most rich ecosystems –shows clearly Americans of all types will commit to ecological sustainability or our free country will cease to exist. Marshes and rivers and forests and fish are far more than resources – they and all natural ecosystems provide for humanity’s habitat and existence upon Earth. The American way of life must be updated by what Ecology – the radical science – teaches us about limits to growth and requirements to sustain the biosphere. And to reflect moral outrage that as we continue to literally stuff ourselves and over-develop to death, two billion people live worldwide on under $2/day, 800 million without access to clean water. Collapsing ecosystems will almost certainly be used as the pretext for some sort of more authoritarian political system.
The American dream and way of life is built upon ecocide – willful murder of the environment. Such ecocidal behavior is problematic not only because we are literally eating Earth to death, but also because Americans use so much more than their fair share of the surplus natural capital, relative to the family of nations, than can be done sustainably. It is deeply troubling – bordering on evil – that 4% of the world’s population consumes 25% of its oil. And now sadly the rest of the world is copying America’s conspicuous over-consumption as a way of life. In an over-populated Earth plagued by inequitable consumption, clearly there has to be more meaning to life than having more stuff, including first meeting all humanity’s basic needs.
The resources necessary for all the gadgets, cars, energy and consumption found in the American dream are largely being taken at the point of gun by the U.S. military, and through neo-colonial dependency arrangements between U.S. business and resource owners. 911 was direct blowback from several decades of such behavior. It is time to stop thinking in terms of tribal nationalism and embrace the human family; as ecological challenges including forest loss, water scarcity, ocean decline, air pollution, soil depletion, nitrogen saturation and biodiversity loss threaten to destroy all nations’ peoples. How many more U.S. soldiers must kill and die needlessly in foreign lands to support these inequities and unsustainability?
Let us buttress America’s commitment to true freedom and liberty with equal devotion to equity, justice and global ecological sustainability. Future American and global ecological sustainability looks less urban, more organic; simple but quality lives; less government, more community, and dedication to protecting and restoring ecosystems. It is possible and crucial for all our shared survival to live simply, laugh often, and love deeply as we lead deeply fulfilling lives within the context of a healthy and vibrant environment, and a steady state economy which can last forever.
It is well past time to show American resolve and commitment and get the damn oil leak capped. This is an unprecedented ecological emergency that portends the future. There should be millions of Americans streaming to partake in skimming oil and cleaning what comes ashore. This is our task, our job, our life, our future, our country, our Earth and our ecology at stake. Further, I would like to take this opportunity to call for criminal investigations of BP and the U.S. government’s oil departments, for the immediate resignation of Ken Salazar as Secretary of Interior, and for a permanent global ban to ecocidal offshore oil drilling.
Ecological Internet recently declared a planetary ecological emergency[1] based upon overwhelming new ecological science indicating Earth is at or near the tipping point, and key global ecosystems and life-support systems are failing. All true Americans and global citizens are urged to dramatically reduce their personal consumption and to commit to massively reducing their personal use of oil. And the U.S. government must cease to be an oil oligarchy, divorce itself from this Earth destroying industry, and stop waging war to feed its oil addiction. Failure on either account may justly lead to the next great American Revolution: a people’s power Earth Revolution on behalf of Earth, all her life, and the human family.
United States of Ecocide: Spilling and Consuming Way to Oblivion
A great, free nation remains immobilized in the face of ecological collapse
May 29, 2009
By Dr. Glen Barry, Ecological Internet
Earth Meanders come from Earth's Newsdesk, http://www.ecoearth.info/
http://www.ecoearth.info/
The United States of America is an epic experiment, as despite great accomplishments and numerous imperfections, we share a long history of constantly striving to improve our union. As Americans settle in for Memorial Day to remember veterans of all stripes – from great wars of world defense to more recent military adventurism – it is appropriate to consider what the current Gulf Oil Spill says about the American way of life. Plainly, our addiction to oil and consumption in general threatens to destroy regional and global ecosystems – the water, air, land and oceans –upon which Americans, humanity and all species depend upon for habitat and life.
America is truly exceptional. Yet it is not because of our materially excessive lifestyles, as best demonstrated by our wide girths and ample posteriors. There is more to America than consumption. Our greatness is primarily due to our wavering, imperfect yet unique commitment to freedom and liberty. Over two hundred years ago a just revolution was fought asserting individual liberties from monarchial authoritarianism. The principles of freedom and liberty were a gift to the world. This is what truly has set us apart. And despite two decades of consistent roll-backs in civil and human rights, Americans remain for now free peoples to prosper or expire.
America has and continues to face many challenges – repudiating slavery, enfranchising most, world wars – and most recently the inevitable slowdown of economic growth as speculative, industrial capitalism runs its course. America has enjoyed for awhile super-sized living and grown to be what it is based upon liquidating ecosystems. We have progressed to the point where regional ecosystems are collapsing – most obviously in the Gulf Coast, but throughout the vast country as ecosystems are dying. America now faces our most difficult and profound test ever, coming to terms with our deeply ecologically unsustainable lifestyles, and committing to national and global ecological sustainability.
Clearly the American way of life has been built upon liquidating our own and foreign natural life-giving ecosystems to access resources for consumption. To equate mowing ancient forests, dumping waste into water, over-fishing oceans, polluting the atmosphere, and the pervasive toxic chemical cocktail with progress and development is absurd. It is entirely possible that oil deep undersea and within our shared Earth was not meant to be drilled, much less burnt. America must directly face our profound dependence upon oil and destruction of natural ecosystems as the basis of our economy; or our country will collapse, many if not all will needlessly suffer and prematurely die, and a livable Earth may cease to exist.
The oil spilling endlessly into the Gulf of Mexico – one of America’s most rich ecosystems –shows clearly Americans of all types will commit to ecological sustainability or our free country will cease to exist. Marshes and rivers and forests and fish are far more than resources – they and all natural ecosystems provide for humanity’s habitat and existence upon Earth. The American way of life must be updated by what Ecology – the radical science – teaches us about limits to growth and requirements to sustain the biosphere. And to reflect moral outrage that as we continue to literally stuff ourselves and over-develop to death, two billion people live worldwide on under $2/day, 800 million without access to clean water. Collapsing ecosystems will almost certainly be used as the pretext for some sort of more authoritarian political system.
The American dream and way of life is built upon ecocide – willful murder of the environment. Such ecocidal behavior is problematic not only because we are literally eating Earth to death, but also because Americans use so much more than their fair share of the surplus natural capital, relative to the family of nations, than can be done sustainably. It is deeply troubling – bordering on evil – that 4% of the world’s population consumes 25% of its oil. And now sadly the rest of the world is copying America’s conspicuous over-consumption as a way of life. In an over-populated Earth plagued by inequitable consumption, clearly there has to be more meaning to life than having more stuff, including first meeting all humanity’s basic needs.
The resources necessary for all the gadgets, cars, energy and consumption found in the American dream are largely being taken at the point of gun by the U.S. military, and through neo-colonial dependency arrangements between U.S. business and resource owners. 911 was direct blowback from several decades of such behavior. It is time to stop thinking in terms of tribal nationalism and embrace the human family; as ecological challenges including forest loss, water scarcity, ocean decline, air pollution, soil depletion, nitrogen saturation and biodiversity loss threaten to destroy all nations’ peoples. How many more U.S. soldiers must kill and die needlessly in foreign lands to support these inequities and unsustainability?
Let us buttress America’s commitment to true freedom and liberty with equal devotion to equity, justice and global ecological sustainability. Future American and global ecological sustainability looks less urban, more organic; simple but quality lives; less government, more community, and dedication to protecting and restoring ecosystems. It is possible and crucial for all our shared survival to live simply, laugh often, and love deeply as we lead deeply fulfilling lives within the context of a healthy and vibrant environment, and a steady state economy which can last forever.
It is well past time to show American resolve and commitment and get the damn oil leak capped. This is an unprecedented ecological emergency that portends the future. There should be millions of Americans streaming to partake in skimming oil and cleaning what comes ashore. This is our task, our job, our life, our future, our country, our Earth and our ecology at stake. Further, I would like to take this opportunity to call for criminal investigations of BP and the U.S. government’s oil departments, for the immediate resignation of Ken Salazar as Secretary of Interior, and for a permanent global ban to ecocidal offshore oil drilling.
Ecological Internet recently declared a planetary ecological emergency[1] based upon overwhelming new ecological science indicating Earth is at or near the tipping point, and key global ecosystems and life-support systems are failing. All true Americans and global citizens are urged to dramatically reduce their personal consumption and to commit to massively reducing their personal use of oil. And the U.S. government must cease to be an oil oligarchy, divorce itself from this Earth destroying industry, and stop waging war to feed its oil addiction. Failure on either account may justly lead to the next great American Revolution: a people’s power Earth Revolution on behalf of Earth, all her life, and the human family.
WARNING
1. A plastic bottle with a cap.
2. A little Drano.
3. A little water.
4. A small piece of foil.
5. Disturb it by moving it; and BOOM!!
6. No fingers left and other serious effects to your face, eyes, etc..
People are finding these bombs in mailboxes and in their yards, just waiting for you to pick it up intending to put it in the trash. But, you'll never make it!!! It takes about 30 seconds to blow after you move the thing.
See "SNOPES" below.. This happened. April 27, 2010,
http://www.snopes.com/crime/warnings/bottlebomb.asp warnings/bottlebomb.asp>
2. A little Drano.
3. A little water.
4. A small piece of foil.
5. Disturb it by moving it; and BOOM!!
6. No fingers left and other serious effects to your face, eyes, etc..
People are finding these bombs in mailboxes and in their yards, just waiting for you to pick it up intending to put it in the trash. But, you'll never make it!!! It takes about 30 seconds to blow after you move the thing.
See "SNOPES" below.. This happened. April 27, 2010,
http://www.snopes.com/
THE IMPORTANCE OF WALKING
The Importance of Walking
Walking can add minutes to your life.
This enables you at 85 years old
to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing
home at $7000 per month.
My grandpa started walking
five miles a day when he was 60.
Now he's 97 years old
and we don't know where he is.
I like long walks,
especially when they are taken
by people who annoy me.
The only reason I would take up walking
is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
I have to walk early in the morning,
before my brain figures out what I'm doing..
I joined a health club last year,
spent about 400 bucks.
Haven't lost a pound.
Apparently you have to go there.
Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise',
I wash my mouth out with chocolate.
The advantage of exercising every day
is so when you die, they'll say,
'Well, she looks good doesn't she.'
If you are going to try cross-country skiing,
start with a small country.
I know I got a lot of exercise
the last few years,......
just getting over the hill.
We all get heavier as we get older,
because there's a lot more information in our heads.
That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
AND
Every time I start thinking too much
about how I look,
I just find a Happy Hour
and by the time I leave,
I look just fine.
Walking can add minutes to your life.
This enables you at 85 years old
to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing
home at $7000 per month.
My grandpa started walking
five miles a day when he was 60.
Now he's 97 years old
and we don't know where he is.
I like long walks,
especially when they are taken
by people who annoy me.
The only reason I would take up walking
is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
I have to walk early in the morning,
before my brain figures out what I'm doing..
I joined a health club last year,
spent about 400 bucks.
Haven't lost a pound.
Apparently you have to go there.
Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise',
I wash my mouth out with chocolate.
The advantage of exercising every day
is so when you die, they'll say,
'Well, she looks good doesn't she.'
If you are going to try cross-country skiing,
start with a small country.
I know I got a lot of exercise
the last few years,......
just getting over the hill.
We all get heavier as we get older,
because there's a lot more information in our heads.
That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
AND
Every time I start thinking too much
about how I look,
I just find a Happy Hour
and by the time I leave,
I look just fine.
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