Sunday, July 28, 2013
NEW REPUBLICAN COST CUTTING IDEA
DEPORTATION OF SENIORS !!! ………………..to help save the economy, the Government will announce next month that the Immigration Department will start deporting seniors (instead of illegals) in order to lower Social Security and Medicare costs. Older people are easier to catch and will not remember how to get back home.
Sunday, July 7, 2013
1963 vs 2013
Their lifetime has always included AIDS.
Bottle caps have always been childproof and plastic.
The CD was introduced 4 years before they were born.
They have always had an answering machine..
They have always had cable.
They cannot fathom not having a remote control.
Jay Leno has always been on the Tonight Show.
Popcorn has always been cooked in the microwave.
They never took a swim and thought about Jaws.
They can't imagine what hard contact lenses are.
They don't know who Mork was or where he was from.
They never heard:
"Where's the Beef?",
"I'd walk a mile for a Camel", or
"De plane, Boss, deplane.."
They do not care who shot J.R. nor do they have any idea who J. R. even is.
Mc Donald's never came in Styrofoam containers.
They don't have a clue how to use a typewriter.
Do you feel old yet?
Pass this on to the other old fogies on your list. (Notice the larger type that's for those of you who have trouble reading.)
![[]](https://mail.google.com/mail/u/0/?ui=2&ik=3e31ab1b01&view=att&th=13f6f50e4ecc34c0&attid=0.1&disp=emb&zw&atsh=1)
So have a nice day!!!!!
It is good to have friends who know about these things and are still alive and kicking!!!!
Bottle caps have always been childproof and plastic.
The CD was introduced 4 years before they were born.
They have always had an answering machine..
They have always had cable.
They cannot fathom not having a remote control.
Jay Leno has always been on the Tonight Show.
Popcorn has always been cooked in the microwave.
They never took a swim and thought about Jaws.
They can't imagine what hard contact lenses are.
They don't know who Mork was or where he was from.
They never heard:
"Where's the Beef?",
"I'd walk a mile for a Camel", or
"De plane, Boss, deplane.."
They do not care who shot J.R. nor do they have any idea who J. R. even is.
Mc Donald's never came in Styrofoam containers.
They don't have a clue how to use a typewriter.
Do you feel old yet?
Pass this on to the other old fogies on your list. (Notice the larger type that's for those of you who have trouble reading.)
So have a nice day!!!!!
It is good to have friends who know about these things and are still alive and kicking!!!!
Changing the name of my bathroom
I've decided to call my bathroom the Jim instead of the John.
It sounds better when I tell folks I go to the Jim every morning.
WHY WITNESSES ARE WRONG 1/2 THE TIME
THIS IS WHY WITNESSES ARE ONLY 50% ACCURATE!
"Officer the light was GREEN not pink!"
If your brain works normally this is neat.
This is another example of an amazing illusion!
The last sentence is so true.
If your eyes follow the movement of the rotating pink dot, the dots will remain only one color, pink.
However if you stare at the black '+' in the centre, the moving dot turns to green.
Now concentrate on the black '+' in the centre of the picture.
After a short period all the pink dots will slowly disappear and you will see only a single green dot rotating.
It's amazing how our brain works. There is no green dot, and the pink ones don't disappear.
This should be proof enough, we don't always see what we think we see.
Sunday, May 26, 2013
Saturday, April 20, 2013
Sunday, March 24, 2013
You might live in a country run by idiots
If is a Big Word
If you can get arrested for hunting or fishing without a license, but not for being in the country illegally ... you might live in a country founded by geniuses but run by idiots.
If you have to get your parents’ permission to go on a field trip or take an aspirin in school, but not to get an abortion ... you might live in a country founded by geniuses but run by idiots.
If you have to show identification to board an airplane, cash a check, buy liquor, or check out a library book, but not to vote who runs the government ... you might live in a country founded by geniuses but run by idiots.
If the government wants to ban stable, law-abiding citizens from owning gun magazines with more than ten rounds, but gives 20 F-16 fighter jets to the crazy new leaders in Egypt ... you might live in a country founded by geniuses but run by idiots.
If, in the largest city, you can buy two 16-ounce sodas, but not a 24-ounce soda because 24-ounces of a sugary drink might make you fat ... you might live in a country founded by geniuses but run by idiots.
If an 80-year-old woman can be stripped searched by the TSA but a woman in a hajib is only subject to having her neck and head searched ... you might live in a country founded by geniuses but run by idiots.
In God We Trust
|
Niagra falls frozen 101 years ago
Her mother had a cousin living in Niagara Falls that year. She told the family that
she and her neighbors woke up in the night feeling something was wrong. It
took a while but they finally realized that it was the lack of noise. They had all become so
used to the roar of the falls that the silence was unusual enough to alert their senses. Of course at
that time nearly all the houses were near the falls. Amazing pictures! Can you imagine
walking on Niagara Falls?
Sunday, March 3, 2013
Kulula Airlines....HILARIOUS!!!!
This is one of the most hilarious e-mails....would love to fly with this bunch of loonies. See photos of one of their REAL aircraft first.
Kulula is a low-cost South-African airline that doesn't take itself too seriously. Check out their new livery! And have a read about their Customer Relations. Hard to believe that this is an actual Airline.
Monday, January 21, 2013
Saturday, January 19, 2013
Aspirin/water/hear attacks
Mayo Clinic
|
Monday, December 24, 2012
Oldies updates
Some of the artists of the 60's are revising their hits with new lyrics to accommodate aging baby boomers . . .
Thursday, December 13, 2012
Monday, December 10, 2012
Saturday, November 17, 2012
Thursday, November 8, 2012
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
DEAR RED STATES
Dear Red States: We're ticked off at your Neanderthal attitudes and politics and we've decided we're leaving.We in New York intend to form our own country and we're taking the other Blue States with us.In case you aren't aware that includes California, Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and the rest of the Northeast.We believe this split will be bene
ficial to the nation and especially to the people of the new country of The Enlightened States of America (E.S.A).To sum up briefly:You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states.We get stem cell research and the best beaches.We get Andrew Cuomo and Elizabeth Warren. You get Bobby Jindal and Todd Akin.We get the Statue of Liberty. You get OpryLand.We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.We get Harvard, Princeton, Penn, Haverford, Colgate, U of R. You get Ole' Miss.We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs.You get Alabama.We get two-thirds of the tax revenue. You get to make the red states pay their fair share.Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms.With the Blue States in hand we will have firm control of 80% of the country's fresh water, more than 90% of the pineapple and lettuce, 92% of the nation's fresh fruit, 95% of America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners), 90% of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the US low sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools plus Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.With the Red States you will have to cope with 88% of all obese Americans and their projected health care costs, 92% of all US mosquitoes, nearly 100% of the tornadoes, 90% of the hurricanes, 99% of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100% of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.38% of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62% believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44% say that evolution is only a theory, 53% that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61% of you crazy bastards believe you are people with higher morals then we lefties.We're taking the good weed too. You can have that crap they grow in Mexico.Sincerely,Citizen of the Enlightened States of America.
Sunday, October 21, 2012
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
Charlie the Wal Mart Greeter
Charley, a new retiree-greeter at Wal-Mart, just couldn't
seem to get to work on time. Every day he was 5, 10, 15
minutes late.
Sunday, August 19, 2012
Buy American
PAY ATTENTION FOLKS."...IT IS YOUR BUSINESS
Costco sells Goodyear wiper blades for almost half the price that you
will pay on the outside and they are made in the U.S.A.
Read and do the following.
Costco sells Goodyear wiper blades for almost half the price that you
will pay on the outside and they are made in the U.S.A.
Read and do the following.
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
Sunday, July 8, 2012
build you Christmas card
| .
When you go to this site, click on the dogs and match them up and see what happens.
Merry Christmas and enjoy!!!! Match the dogs |
The death of common sense
London Obituary
An Obituary - printed in the London Times.....Absolutely Brilliant !!
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense,
who has been with us for many years.
An Obituary - printed in the London Times.....Absolutely Brilliant !!
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense,
who has been with us for many years.
Monday, June 25, 2012
Watch out!
A recent joint study
conducted by the Department of Health and the Department of Motor
Vehicles indicates that 23% of traffic accidents are alcohol related.
This means that the remaining 77% are caused by assholes that just
drink coffee, carbonated drinks, juices, milk, water, and shit like that.
Therefore, beware of those who do not drink alcohol.
They cause three times as many accidents.
This message is sent by someone who cares about your well being
conducted by the Department of Health and the Department of Motor
Vehicles indicates that 23% of traffic accidents are alcohol related.
This means that the remaining 77% are caused by assholes that just
drink coffee, carbonated drinks, juices, milk, water, and shit like that.
Therefore, beware of those who do not drink alcohol.
They cause three times as many accidents.
This message is sent by someone who cares about your well being
Sunday, June 24, 2012
ALL MADE IN THE USA
One Light Bulb at a Time....A physics teacher in high school, once told the students that while one grasshopper on the railroad tracks wouldn't slow a train very much, a billion of them would. With that thought in mind, read the following, obviously written by a good American.
Good idea .. . one light bulb at a time . . Check this out . I can verify this because I was in Lowes the other day for some reason and just for the heck of it I was looking at the hose attachments. They were all made in China .
The next day I was in Ace Hardware and just for the heck of it I checked the hose attachments there. They were made in USA .
Start looking. In our current economic situation, every little thing we buy or do affects someone else - even their job . So, after reading this email, I think this lady is on the right track . Let's get behind her! My grandson likes Hershey's candy . I noticed, though, that it is marked made in Mexico now. I do not buy it any more.
My favorite toothpaste Colgate is made in Mexico ... now I have switched to Crest. You have to read the labels on everything.
This past weekend I was at Kroger. I needed 60 W light bulbs and Bounce dryer sheets. I was in the light bulb aisle, and right next to the GE brand I normally buy was an off-brand labeled, "Everyday Value. " I picked up both types of bulbs and compared the stats - they were the same except for the price .. The GE bulbs were more money than the Everyday Value brand but the thing that surprised me the most was the fact that GE was made in MEXICO and the Everyday Value brand was made in - get ready for this - the USA in a company in Cleveland , Ohio. So throw out the myth that you cannot find products you use every day that are made right here.
So on to another aisle - Bounce Dryer Sheets . yep, you guessed it, bounce cost more money and is made in Canada . The Everyday Value brand was less money and MADE IN THE USA ! I did laundry yesterday and the dryer sheets performed just like the Bounce Free I have been using for years and at almost half the price! My challenge to you is to start reading the labels when you shop for everyday things and see what you can find that is made in the USA - the job you save may be your own or your neighbors! If you accept the challenge, pass this on to others in your address book so we can all start buying American, one light bulb at a time! Stop buying from overseas companies! We should have awakened a decade ago. Let's get with the program help our fellow Americans keep their jobs and create more jobs here in the U.S.A.
Good idea .. . one light bulb at a time . . Check this out . I can verify this because I was in Lowes the other day for some reason and just for the heck of it I was looking at the hose attachments. They were all made in China .
The next day I was in Ace Hardware and just for the heck of it I checked the hose attachments there. They were made in USA .
Start looking. In our current economic situation, every little thing we buy or do affects someone else - even their job . So, after reading this email, I think this lady is on the right track . Let's get behind her! My grandson likes Hershey's candy . I noticed, though, that it is marked made in Mexico now. I do not buy it any more.
My favorite toothpaste Colgate is made in Mexico ... now I have switched to Crest. You have to read the labels on everything.
This past weekend I was at Kroger. I needed 60 W light bulbs and Bounce dryer sheets. I was in the light bulb aisle, and right next to the GE brand I normally buy was an off-brand labeled, "Everyday Value. " I picked up both types of bulbs and compared the stats - they were the same except for the price .. The GE bulbs were more money than the Everyday Value brand but the thing that surprised me the most was the fact that GE was made in MEXICO and the Everyday Value brand was made in - get ready for this - the USA in a company in Cleveland , Ohio. So throw out the myth that you cannot find products you use every day that are made right here.
So on to another aisle - Bounce Dryer Sheets . yep, you guessed it, bounce cost more money and is made in Canada . The Everyday Value brand was less money and MADE IN THE USA ! I did laundry yesterday and the dryer sheets performed just like the Bounce Free I have been using for years and at almost half the price! My challenge to you is to start reading the labels when you shop for everyday things and see what you can find that is made in the USA - the job you save may be your own or your neighbors! If you accept the challenge, pass this on to others in your address book so we can all start buying American, one light bulb at a time! Stop buying from overseas companies! We should have awakened a decade ago. Let's get with the program help our fellow Americans keep their jobs and create more jobs here in the U.S.A.
Never seen a Flow Chart described so clearly.
When bottom level guys look up, they see only assholes...
Saturday, June 9, 2012
Sunday, April 22, 2012
Sunday, April 8, 2012
You know the recession is really bad when
* My neighbor got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.
* CEOs are now playing miniature golf.
* Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.
* I saw a Mormon with only one wife.
* If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them.
* Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.
* My cousin had an exorcism but couldn't afford to pay for it, and they re-possessed her!
* A picture is now only worth 200 words.
* McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.
* The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.
* When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room.
* A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.
Saturday, February 25, 2012
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Great Quotes
The problem with political jokes is they get elected.
~Henry Cate, VII**************
* We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office. ~Aesop***************
* If we got one-tenth of what was promised to us in these acceptance speeches there wouldn't be any inducement to go to heaven.
~Will Rogers ******************
* Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished by being governed by those who are dumber.
~Plato *********************
* Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river.
~Nikita Khrushchev *******************
* When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I'm beginning to believe it.
~Clarence Darrow*********************
* Why pay money to have your family tree traced; go into politics and your opponents will do it for you.
~Author Unknown ****************************
* If God wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates.
~Jay Leno*******************************
* Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnel.
~John Quinton ******************************
* Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other.
~Oscar Ameringer ****************************
* I offer my opponents a bargain: if they will stop telling lies about us, I will stop telling the truth about them.
~Adlai Stevenson, campaign speech, 1952 *******************************
* A politician is a fellow who will lay down your life for his country. ~Texas Guinan
********************************
* Any American who is prepared to run for president should automatically, by definition, be disqualified from ever doing so.
~Gore Vidal
***************************
* I have come to the conclusion that politics is too serious a matter to be left to the politicians.
~Charles de Gaulle
***************************
* Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks.
~Doug Larson
******************************
* Don't vote, it only encourages them.
~Author Unknown
****************************
* There ought to be one day - just one - when there is open season on senators.
~Will Rogers
******************************
Saturday, February 18, 2012
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Monday, January 16, 2012
Sunday, January 1, 2012
When trees were H-U-G-E!
When the Northwest logging industry was still young...
Just look at the length of the hand saw they needed...
...and look at the size of the heavy duty axes...
The work required very strong and courageous men...
After a tree was felled the real work began - a week or more to cut it up...
Maneuvering the logs down the mountain to the train was a complex job...
Some of the logs were larger than the train engine...
A hollowed out log became the company's mobile office...
Hollowed out logs were also used to house and feed the crews.
...and look at the size of the heavy duty axes...
After a tree was felled the real work began - a week or more to cut it up...
A hollowed out log became the company's mobile office...
Sunday, December 18, 2011
The best day of fishing-EVER
I've heard of salmon jumping into boats, but never anything quite like this... Tom Satre told the Sitka Gazette that he was out with a charter group on his 62-foot fishing vessel when four juvenile black-tailed deer swam directly toward his boat
"Once the deer reached the boat, the four began to circle the boat, looking directly at us. We could tell right away that the young bucks were distressed. I opened up my back gate and we helped the typically skittish and absolutely wild animals onto the boat. In all my years fishing, I've never seen anything quite like it! Once onboard, they collapsed with exhaustion, shivering.
"This is a picture I took of the rescued bucks on the back of my boat, the Alaska Quest. We headed for Taku Harbour . Once we reached the dock, the first buck that we had been pulled from the water hopped onto the dock, looked back as if to say 'thank you' and disappeared into the forest. After a bit of prodding and assistance, two more followed, but the smallest deer needed a little more help
This is me carrying the little guy.
My daughter, Anna, and son, Tim, helped the last buck to its feet. We didn't know how long they had been in the icy waters or if there had been others who did not survive. My daughter later told me that the experience was something that she would never forget, and I suspect the deer felt the same way as well!"
"Once the deer reached the boat, the four began to circle the boat, looking directly at us. We could tell right away that the young bucks were distressed. I opened up my back gate and we helped the typically skittish and absolutely wild animals onto the boat. In all my years fishing, I've never seen anything quite like it! Once onboard, they collapsed with exhaustion, shivering.
"This is a picture I took of the rescued bucks on the back of my boat, the Alaska Quest. We headed for Taku Harbour . Once we reached the dock, the first buck that we had been pulled from the water hopped onto the dock, looked back as if to say 'thank you' and disappeared into the forest. After a bit of prodding and assistance, two more followed, but the smallest deer needed a little more help
This is me carrying the little guy.
My daughter, Anna, and son, Tim, helped the last buck to its feet. We didn't know how long they had been in the icy waters or if there had been others who did not survive. My daughter later told me that the experience was something that she would never forget, and I suspect the deer felt the same way as well!"
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Blond joke
A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small town in Arkansas .
With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting: "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person. Because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general, and all in the name of humor!"
The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde yells, "You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little shit on your knee."
With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting: "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person. Because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general, and all in the name of humor!"
The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde yells, "You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little shit on your knee."
Jazz session
This is a great performance. Please take note that no one in the audience left during the entire jazz session!!!
"http://www.youtube-nocookie.com/embed/lXKDu6cdXLI?rel=0"
"http://www.youtube-nocookie.com/embed/lXKDu6cdXLI?rel=0"
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)