Thursday, May 21, 2015
23 ADULT TRUTHS:
1. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind-of tired.
10. Bad decisions make good stories.
11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blu-ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.
13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.
14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Light than Kay.
17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?
20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
22. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey -- but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.
23. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.
Quit Laughing. . .
Life just gets better as you get older doesn't it?
Wednesday, February 18, 2015
Sunday, March 2, 2014
Saturday, October 12, 2013
Technology: NEW PASSWORD REQUIRED
User: My usual password is not working suddenly, why?
Website chat assistant: Your password has expired - you must register a new one.
User: Why do I need a new one as that one was working fine?
Website: you must get a new one as they automatically expire every 30 days.
User: Can I use the old one and just re-register it?
Website: No, you must get a new one.
User: I don't want a new one as that is one more thing for me to remember.
Website: Sorry, you must get a new one.
User: ok, roses
Website: Sorry you must use more letters.
User: pretty roses
Website: you must use at least one number.
User: 1 pretty rose
Website: you cannot use blank spaces.
User: 1prettyrose
Website: you must use additional letters.
User: 1fuckingprettyrose
Website: you must use at least one capital letter.
User: 1FUCKINGprettyrose
Website: you cannot use more than one capital letter in a row.
User: 1Fuckingprettyrose
Website: you must use additional letters.
User: 1Fuckingprettyroseshoved
Website: Sorry, that password is already being used.
Sunday, September 8, 2013
Sunday, July 28, 2013
UP
I'm sure you will enjoy this. I never knew one word in the English language
that can be a noun, verb, adj, adv, prep.
NEW REPUBLICAN COST CUTTING IDEA
DEPORTATION OF SENIORS !!! ………………..to help save the economy, the Government will announce next month that the Immigration Department will start deporting seniors (instead of illegals) in order to lower Social Security and Medicare costs. Older people are easier to catch and will not remember how to get back home.
Sunday, July 7, 2013
1963 vs 2013
Their lifetime has always included AIDS.
Bottle caps have always been childproof and plastic.
The CD was introduced 4 years before they were born.
They have always had an answering machine..
They have always had cable.
They cannot fathom not having a remote control.
Jay Leno has always been on the Tonight Show.
Popcorn has always been cooked in the microwave.
They never took a swim and thought about Jaws.
They can't imagine what hard contact lenses are.
They don't know who Mork was or where he was from.
They never heard:
"Where's the Beef?",
"I'd walk a mile for a Camel", or
"De plane, Boss, deplane.."
They do not care who shot J.R. nor do they have any idea who J. R. even is.
Mc Donald's never came in Styrofoam containers.
They don't have a clue how to use a typewriter.
Do you feel old yet?
Pass this on to the other old fogies on your list. (Notice the larger type that's for those of you who have trouble reading.)
![[]](https://mail.google.com/mail/u/0/?ui=2&ik=3e31ab1b01&view=att&th=13f6f50e4ecc34c0&attid=0.1&disp=emb&zw&atsh=1)
So have a nice day!!!!!
It is good to have friends who know about these things and are still alive and kicking!!!!
Bottle caps have always been childproof and plastic.
The CD was introduced 4 years before they were born.
They have always had an answering machine..
They have always had cable.
They cannot fathom not having a remote control.
Jay Leno has always been on the Tonight Show.
Popcorn has always been cooked in the microwave.
They never took a swim and thought about Jaws.
They can't imagine what hard contact lenses are.
They don't know who Mork was or where he was from.
They never heard:
"Where's the Beef?",
"I'd walk a mile for a Camel", or
"De plane, Boss, deplane.."
They do not care who shot J.R. nor do they have any idea who J. R. even is.
Mc Donald's never came in Styrofoam containers.
They don't have a clue how to use a typewriter.
Do you feel old yet?
Pass this on to the other old fogies on your list. (Notice the larger type that's for those of you who have trouble reading.)
So have a nice day!!!!!
It is good to have friends who know about these things and are still alive and kicking!!!!
Changing the name of my bathroom
I've decided to call my bathroom the Jim instead of the John.
It sounds better when I tell folks I go to the Jim every morning.
WHY WITNESSES ARE WRONG 1/2 THE TIME
THIS IS WHY WITNESSES ARE ONLY 50% ACCURATE!
"Officer the light was GREEN not pink!"
If your brain works normally this is neat.
This is another example of an amazing illusion!
The last sentence is so true.
If your eyes follow the movement of the rotating pink dot, the dots will remain only one color, pink.
However if you stare at the black '+' in the centre, the moving dot turns to green.
Now concentrate on the black '+' in the centre of the picture.
After a short period all the pink dots will slowly disappear and you will see only a single green dot rotating.
It's amazing how our brain works. There is no green dot, and the pink ones don't disappear.
This should be proof enough, we don't always see what we think we see.
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